St. Patrick's Day, Get out of My Way

I felt like a jaded NYer today. I don't know if that's good or bad. The famous St. Patrick's Day Parade was strolling by only steps from my place of work. It was snowing a little -- just enough to be a nuisance. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, I always eat at these hot/cold (salad) bars because you can get all the food you want (by the pound), and there's a nice variety. Wednesday and Thursday nights I work at Barnes & Noble AFTER I finished my 9-5 day job, so I'm basically constantly working from 9am to 10:30pm. It's rough, but so is poverty. Because of this, I like to eat a big lunch, since my luxurious 15-minute break at B&N doesn't allow for much time to get/cook/prepare/eat dinner.

So, I'm heading off to my preferred luncheon place when I'm headed off by the massive parade. It's happily (though frigidly) marching down 5th Avenue, the very street I need to cross! How do you cross a giant parade complete with police barricades and packs of police? Surrounded by annoying parents and children, I asked the cop how to cross. He said I had to go down another street, then go up (and make my way back), basically traveling in a giant "U." I was no particularly thrilled to hear this news and must have let it show on my face, for he grimaced sympathetically and apologized. That surprised me a bit since I didn't think I was one of those people (like you see here so often) who are not shy about showing their disapproval.

It's funny, when I first got to NYC, I was surprised at how cool NY'ers were. I thought they got a bad rap (and if you mention that to them, they enthusiastically agree). They have always been chatty, helpful, and friendly. But, the longer I live here, the more I get to see the ugly side of the beast. I keep wondering if it has more to do with my job, than with NY'ers as a whole. The "clients," at my job are very wealthy people, and as I've mentioned before, they can be demanding, rude, arrogant, and accusatory. This has left a very sour taste in my mouth, especially since I already have a chip on my shoulder from the great wealthy minority as it is.

Yet, I'm hesitant to blame the job. The rich people aren't surprising me. Some "normal" people are. Example: I get on the subway the other day, and sort of slam myself down on the seat (bench). There was a woman there, sitting about a foot or two away from me, with her large bag in between us. I had clipped her bag as I was sitting down. She turned to me and fixed me with a stony gaze for a long time. I know I could have ignored it (I had the "shield" of my book, Lady Chatterley's Lover), but I was tired, and i was sick-and-tired of rude people, so I turned to her and glared right back. She spat out, "I could have moved it!" I raised my eyebrows and said, "It's not like I hit it on purpose!" She snarled, "Then you could have said, 'Excuse me!"

EXCUSE ME!

Fuck, I really hardly touched it. It's not like it flew off the seat and crashed to the floor. And it obviously was an accident. It's not like me (or anyone else) roams through subway cars throwing their bodies up against strangers' bags.

New York is making me hard, just like them. I'm just not willing to let people push me around anymore. Bangkok is partly to blame. Being in such a difficult environment where people are trying to fuck with you ALL the time sure forces you to grow skin like a damn armadillio. Being tired from working two jobs, makes you more unwilling to put up with bullshit. Furthermore, getting older and losing some of your shyness also contributes. Finally, living in New York and facing some pretty tough characters does as well.

I'm disappointed. Though I never desired to be a doormat, neither do I aspire to be one of these typical assholes with a itchy trigger temper. I honestly want to be kind to people, and will try to continue to do so. My god, I hope I'm not cut out only for suburbia!