Stock Up!

Remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine discovers that her favorite form of contraception - The Today Sponge - was about to go off the market, so she makes a mad dash to every pharmacy in Manhattan to try and stock up on them? Then, after acquiring a closet-full, she had to determine if each guy she was interested in having sex with was "spongeworthy?"

Well, I had one of those days. Sorta.

A couple years ago Victoria's Secret came out with a line called "Victoria's Secret Spa." It was a line of "luxurious" skincare products, and at some point I got my hands on their body butter, and was hooked. Great scent and it was one of the few lotions that actually worked on my skin (and your skin gets DRY in Montana). Because of its pricey-ness, it was a splurge and I didn't buy it or use what I had that often. But I loved the stuff.

Then about six months ago while at VS' notorious Semi-Annual sale, where you find yourself among a frenzied mob of women scavenging through endless bins of discounted bras and panties in the retail-priced unsellable colors of bright tangerine and fluorescent green, my beloved VS Spa was displayed prominently on a table for 50% off. Woo woo! I picked up a couple body butter containers and added another product in the line and went home happy.

A short time after that, VS sent me a $10 gift certificate in the mail. I have had their credit card for years and have used it like you're SUPPOSED to use a credit card - charge a little at a time, pay it all off quickly. Because of this, I'm always getting sweet little deals from them to tantalize me to spend more, and since I love the clothes in their catalogues, I often, erm, comply. So, after going online, little gift certificate clutched in my hand, I was dismayed when I couldn't find my product. So, I called their customer service line.

Her: It's been discontinued.
Me: *aghast* What? Discontinued? But I just saw it at the sale!
Her: *Long, useless explanation, vague promises that it might possibly reappear months from now "repackaged" so it would sell better this time around*
Me: Shoot, if I had known that, I would have bought a lot more than two at that sale! Le sigh.

She then suggested that I go to the NEXT Semi-Annual sale in six months, and maybe some would appear there on clearance. Hrm, alright.

So, that's what I did yesterday, just after work, and pushed my way through a bevy of Paris Hilton-wannabes, fists full of half-priced thongs and discounted perfume. It was another one of those moments, which I have begun to feel more often lately, that I'm getting old. That almost subconscious realization that you're no longer the same age as everyone else, that even in this crowd, you are different. As Chris Rock says, "You don't wanna be the oldest guy in the club. He's not really old, but just a LITTLE too old to be in the club." That's how I felt there among the lipglossed teenyboppers. I wasn't OLD old, but definitely older than most people in there.

Anyway, I scanned the store for the familiar turquoise packaging on my product. And at last at a small table in the center of the room, there it was! Hooray! I hurried over to find their entire stock of VS Spa fit in one small bin, holding a group of body butters and several "foot warming scrubs." I immediately grabbed 2, then 3, then 4, then 5... and then I got a little self-conscious since I was surrounded by girls in the checkout and changing room lines, so I decided to peruse the other merchandise. I walked around...slowly....dug through the underwear bins, bypassing thongs for bikini underwear, today's "granny panties," and found a couple I liked. Browsed through some sleepwear, and shuffled through the bras. Finally, I thought to myself, "This is ridiculous!" and strode over to the beauty table once more, grabbed 3 more body butters and went to the end of the line for a long wait.

At the checkout, after giving the cashier my two gift certificates, I said, "You know what, why don't you ring up just one more and I'll go grab it," I said. "No, I'll get it!" she exclaimed and dashed off before I could protest. She came back seconds later, waving a container in each hand. "There's only 2 left, do you want to just get the last two?"

"Erm,...*brief pause* Okay, sure."

That makes TEN.

Well! They're going to be DIS-CON-TIN-UED! This may be it! Forever!

With that, I left the store with my mammoth shopping bag, feeling both sheepish and triumphant.

Now, I just gotta figure out which days are "body butter-worthy."