Crazy Carla

There should be no gasp of surprise from anyone who has ever read this blog that whatever my current job is, there's bound to be some crazy people about. The strange thing this time, is that someone who was somewhat normal, has had a sudden attack of the bizarros. The antics serve me well in my frequent bouts of boredom.

I've mentioned the "accountant" in the office before. She's technically not an accountant, but close enough. When I first started, she made me rather crazy, because every simple question, like, "Where do I put this folder?" was met with a 5-minute, mind-numbing, condescending speech. After a couple of weeks, just when I was ready to claw my eyes out, she let up, and though she had her occasional quirks of annoyingness and displays of painfully awkward social skills, overall she was a nice woman and harmless.

So, "Carla," has just recently ...um...changed. Normally, Carla sits in a room by herself, where, as she often reminds anyone who doesn't care to know, she "processes 5000 forms a year." (It's gotten to the point that every time I hear her say that now, I have to quickly think of scenes of torture to keep from snickering). She occasionally peeks out, but for the most part keeps to herself. She's not very chatty, and my repeated attempts to joke with her have fallen flat. Real flat.

As I also have previously mentioned, we have two big chiefs here in the office, a man and a woman, as different from each other as chalk and cheese. Carla has some sort of attachment to the male one, El Jefe. He's a tough nut to crack - sometimes jovial and full of trivia (I'm a big trivia fan myself and can rarely stump him), and sometimes unnecessarily ruthless and cruel. It all started a couple weeks ago when an announcement was made through email regarding El Jefe. Carla started emerging from her office. She was cranky and mean. The first instance, Carla came out to my desk, stared straight at me, and held up a form I had just given her.

Carla: *intense glare* Why did you stamp this HERE?
Me: Wha? Oh, it was a mistake.
Carla: But I don't understand, *incoherent mutterings* why did you stamp it HERE?
Me: *pause in confusion* Look. *looking her straight in the eye* It. Was. A. Mistake.
Carla: *mutters incoherently and waddles off*

Explanation: Basically, the "5000 forms" she processes a year go through me first. There are hundreds of other forms that also go through me, but are then directed to other people in the office. I date-stamp each and every one with my happy little stamp, and pass them on. It's really just for our own reference IN CASE we need to know later when a form came in. Some people have specifically requested I do not stamp directly on the form, but date-stamp a tiny little post-it instead. Sure, no problem. But Carla wants ALL her forms directly stamped upon. On that day, I just happened to accidentally stamp a sticky note instead. Well, that's when I got the visit and the look of death.

Since then, Carla's behavior has intensified. She started coming out to my office (which is in a separate room) and saying, "Where's El Jefe?" "Where's La Jefa?" When are they coming back? Did they leave for the day?" It's not something she needs to know, but not being that big of a deal, I'd look at their calendars and tell her. "No, he's just at a meeting. He should be back at 10." She also started asking about the other employees in the office. "Where did she go? Is she at a meeting? Did she go to get coffee? We're the only ones here!" This has gotten to the point where she's asking me 6-7 times a day on her bosses' whereabouts.

Typically, several times a day, El Jefe will have his door closed. Sometimes he's got someone in there, sometimes he wants his privacy. She has started coming up to another employee who's desk is in front of his door. "Who's in there with him?" Carla demands. The employee will shrug. She then comes out to my office. "Who's in there with him?" If I know, I'll tell her. If I don't, she retreats to her office. But the other employee has told me that every 10 minutes, particularly every time she hears a sound, her head will poke out from around the corner looking to see if anyone is emerging from El Jefe's office. This has recently increased to a near-constant level, and is frankly looking like some sort of mental problem, but what, I have no idea. Obsessive-compulsive disorder?

The third thing, is that Carla has started to leave the office for brief periods of time. Typically, this is no big deal, and I don't usually care what people do with their own lives, but it's gotten to the point where it's every 10-30 minutes she's out the door. I have no idea where she goes or what she does. As an experiment, I ticked on a post-it each time she left. In one day, she left 13 times! (This is not counting leaving for lunch, or whatever).

Other people in the office have noticed and have gone from annoyance to rage since Carla's non-stop inquiries are disruptive. What makes it kind of funny, is that Devout Christian Office Manager Woman is just seething and fantasizing about catapulting Carla's carcass to a faraway land. Office Woman keeps coming out to my office, her face frozen in an intense angry expression, where she'll just explode over Carla's non-stop inquiries. Ah yes, everything's a soap opera around here. Steve may think I attract it, I think I just step into it like dog doo.

As for Carla's manic behavior, I've been told this has happened in the past, usually during high-stress times. I really don't know what to make of it. I just stay calm and answer her questions, but it's getting to the point where I want to say, "WHAT THE FUCK, CRAZY CARLA?" But again, with my status as "expendable temp," I'm just trying to keep my mouth shut. For now, I'll just enjoy Crazy Carla's antics, and hope it's nothing serious.