The End of an Era

Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan. A gigantic, enthusiastic, at times, obsessive fan. I step away from it for awhile, but when I come back, I am completely saturated with it, happily. I love each book, though am more attached to some than others (3 and 5). I am waiting for my book 7 with as much anticipation as most big events in my life, and also with apprehension, knowing I will finish the book, probably within days if I don't work too much, and then will feel a great sadness that it's all over. I'm also terrified that some asshole is going to post some unavoidable spoiler and fuck things up for me, like one of my students did for Order of the Phoenix when she said, "You know Sirius dies, Teacher J.!" *mutter*

It's funny, I sometimes get a little freaked at my attachment to these books, and yet, though I am WAY more attached than most people I know (it kind of alarms Beau a bit), my perusing of the internet, and of some other more heavily-involved friends' blogs has reminded me that I am NOWHERE near the disciple of some. I don't know every finite detail of each book, and though I have a strong attachment to certain characters (Lupin, Tonks, etc.), I just don't have these others' loyalty. It almost makes me feel like I'm not a true fan, and maybe also, a little relieved that I'm not.

I have delved into hundreds and hundreds of various types of "fan fiction," including -ooh- slash, which I think is the area where the real die-hards lie. There are message boards, conventions, thousands of websites (Mugglenet is king), and tonight, there will be parties. Reading the newspaper this morning, there are about six or seven events just in Missoula alone, which is saying something.

So, I really do want to talk about it, and the characters, with that pure enthusiasm that only true geeks posses, but I'm not sure I want to dive into that world. It's such a commitment! I saw Mugglenet advertising for writers, and although I think it would be fantastically fun and a good way to keep my writing up, it also freaks me out since a) you have to devote a LOT of time to it, and b) it's one of those areas where if you fuck up ONE detail, 10,000 HP fans will jump all over your ass, feigning great offense. But I'd like to do it because after reading quite a bit of fan fiction, I found myself indignant at many of the "good" stories. I didn't think they were all that great, though some had interesting plots, indeed. This is not just because I am a writing style and grammatical snob, but also because, as in a story yesterday featuring Snape as the main character, I kept thinking, "Snape would never say that! Snape would never do that! He doesn't even TALK this much!" Now, I know, who am I to be the judge of that? I'm just one fan out of 20 gazillion, but I feel like I have an idea what is "probable" and "believable" in a character's actions and speech. It made me want to write my own stuff more.

Anyway, it's celebration time! Wooo hooo! I'm so excited!!! I kinda wish I hadn't pre-ordered and that I'd just gone to our local Barnes & Noble and gotten a copy right away. Oh well, I have to do that real life thing anyway. Can't wait to see how the book ends and how our wonderful cast of characters choose to ride off into the sunset. Hooray for Harry Potter!
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Friday night, both Beau and I got off from our respective retail suck jobs at 10pm and I asked if we could just go over to the local Barnes & Noble to check out the festivities. This is one of those times when your "beau" does something for you purely because they know it gives you joy, despite the fact that it holds nearly no interest for him/her beyond a mild academic curiosity.

There were several people lingering outside, but the store was open and we went in. It was pretty full, though not as packed as I had imagined. People were simply milling around, many young children or teenagers in black robes or striped socks and scarves. Everything was just so...mild. I was pretty disappointed. I thought there would be much fanfare, games, contests, I dunno, confetti, someone on a microphone MC'ing the "event." To be fair, there were SOME things going on. One corner of B&N hosted some puzzles kids could play, they were handing out large, plastic Harry spectacles, and you could get a small ticket for a drawing that a monotone voice would ooze over the loudspeaker about every 15 minutes, droning out the matching numbers. I just thought there'd be...more.

After about a half hour of wandering aimlessly, Beau and I ended up in one of our favorite sections: cookbooks, where he was perusing the beer and winemaking volumes. The maps were behind us, and he took out a large map of New Zealand, unfolded it, and we just peered at our old home on the north island. "There it is," I said, my fingers tracing along the old routes we used to drive regularly to the next two towns. We both kind of sighed nostalgically as he folded the map back up and returned it to the shelf.

At that point, I thought we should just go. Since my book was pre-ordered and there wasn't much going on, there didn't seem to be any reason to hang out any longer. I'd just have to wait until Saturday or Monday. Sadly, it never arrived Saturday, and I resigned myself to expecting it Monday. Again, avoiding the internet and newspapers' Harry Potter headlines.

Sunday morning after watering the garden, I stopped to pick up our mail which I hadn't done Saturday. It's all bills and crap anyway, so mail doesn't hold the same magic it once did for me. As I opened the box, a key was there. "Oh shit!" I said. Keys are used to open up larger boxes where stuff that doesn't fit in your regular mailbox goes. I opened it up, and sure enough, there was my fucking Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book! "Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!" I hadn't checked the day before, because UPS always delivers to our door, only the post office has access to our mailboxes. I have no idea how the UPS guy managed to do this - I had been tracking the package online and had gotten the ambiguous and disappointing "In Missoula" answer with no hint that it was on its way. The only thing I can think of is that the UPS guy arrived at the same time as the post office guy and asked him to just stick it in my box.

DRAT! A whole day of Harry Potter wasted!

So now I am floating gently, happily, hypnotically in my Harry Potter world. I am reading as if each word is oxygen, giving me life. Every chance I get to sneak in a page or two, I do. I even resorted to sneaking into the photocopy room, copying a few pages, and then reading them at my desk, as if I'm reading some important document. I'd feel guilty about this if it weren't for the fact that BOTH my bosses left for the entire week and BOTH left me with NOTHING to do (despite the fact that I asked them to before they took off). I even take my bookbag with me to the restroom and read a few more pages there. Yeah, I know, TMI.

In a couple more days it will be over, and I will be filled with a lot of emotions, but hopefully most of all, contentment. It'd be nice if another book, another series will come along someday to fill me with such excitement again. Until then, I think we'll all be left with a little hollow space where our love and excitement for Harry Potter resides.