Daily Routine; Cocksucker!

I was just thinking this morning that I never write those neat, little "update on my life" blogs that most do, and that I should, since although my life isn't terribly exciting, I don't always need to be writing on an issue or peculiar cultural occurrence, especially since the latter don't happen as much as they used to, and I spend the majority of my time alone in the midst of a jungle-forest.

So, here I am about to describe my daily, mundane routine. And then I remembered that cocksucker!

Every morning I get up and after emerging from zombieland, I go out and put on my gumboots. These are the shoes of choice in our area where rain is a common occurrence and there's lots of muck about. Of course, I got myself a fashionable pair, which are now respectfully stained, so I can always look legitimate, but fabulous!

I put those on, and whistle to my dog, Tonks, who spends most of her time outside, as it makes her happy and having her inside usually makes me unhappy, as in the cartoon-like set of muddy tracks she left on the carpet from front to back door the other day *mutter*

But she loves doing stuff with me outside, and accompanies me each morning on this little chore. Typically, we are also accompined by our cat, Fern, who runs around in the background, tempting Tonks to 'come and get her!' This usually ends up with me hollering at Tonks to stop attacking the cat and at Fern to stop antagonizing the dog. Tonks will try to look appropriately ashamed, as she is displaying in this photo from this morning. Fern could care less.

Then, we set off to the "chooks." This is the term for chickens here, which most people have wandering their yard or in a coop like mine. From the owners of our house, we have inherited their own clutch of five hens... and one COCK.

At first the rooster seems rather benign. He's slightly smaller than the hens, who push him around. For example, there's a whole line of silverbeet, a kind of nasty-tasting cross between bok choy, kale, and celery which grows along the outside of the coop. The owners planted it, and showed me how they picked off leaves each day and threw them over the fence of the coop to the chooks, who quickly devour it. I've watched many times as I've done the same -- the hens literally shove the rooster out of the way where he stands, a bit awkwardly, and kind of waits for them to get their fill, or more likely, for them to get distracted by the next piece thrown over the fence.

And the best part -- he's fluffy. He's a fluffy rooster! Cute, right? He's a damn cocksucker, he is.

So next, I'll go around the coop where the chicken feed, a vat of boring, brown pellets, are stored. I scoop up a batch of that in a little white bucket with a handle, and I enter the coop, where by now, the hens are RIGHT at the door waiting for me.

I admit, I'm a little spooked by them. I know they can't really hurt me, but still! They have beaks and those gnarly, nasty-ass claws, and they're rather aggressive. This is one of the main reasons I wear gumboots. That way I don't have to worry about them pecking my feet or something, which they seemed inclined to do when I enter their coop, bucket in hand. All they seem to know is: human = brown pellets, and so they swarm me in an alarming way.

So, I'll throw out their feed, some on the ground to distract them, and the rest goes into a cute little chicken trough which is under cover from rain. I then go to their nests, of which there are four. But they all seem to lay their eggs in the first or second one, almost totally ignoring the third and fourth. I collect the eggs, and the chooks, still totally immersed in their feeding frenzy, have by now ignored my presence.

On this particular day, I was finished and was on my way out of the coop. I was reaching for the door when suddenly *BAM*

That fucking cock had attacked me -- FROM BEHIND! And he must have put his all into it, cause it was quite a thump. If I hadn't been wearing my beloved gumboots and sweatpants, that might actually have been uncomfortable or something.

I wheeled around. That little cocksucker was standing there, all proud of himself. I don't know who he thought he fucking was, or who he thought he was impressing, since the hens hadn't even looked up from their chow session.

Okay, you little prick, BRING IT!

I walked toward him, bucket in my hand. He started coming at me again, but this time I was ready. I swung. *BLAMO* I hit him while he was in the air, claws extended out in front of him like he was in a G-D Filipino cockfight. He came at me again and again, sailing through the air with his nasty claws flying in front of him. I met him each time with the empty bucket. I wasn't out to hurt him, but I was going to make sure he knew I wasn't going to be target practice. After a few smacks with the bucket, he stopped and backed off.

It seemed to work. Since that day, each time I enter the coop to feed the chooks, he gives me a wiiiiiiide berth. That's works just fine for me. He knows who the real boss is now.

Cocksucker.