I saw this movie called, “The Land Girls.” What a delightful movie this is. Well, it has the shitiest ending in the universe, but we’ll ignore that. I wonder why I’ve never heard of it. It’s just appeared in the video stores here in Bangkok and I got a cheap VCD of it. It’s the story about three women who were “Land Girls” during WWII in the countryside in England. Because men were off fighting the wars, the women were sent off to the countryside to make food (much like the American women in the factories). It’s really fascinating because (I think) it’s a good portrayal of the behavior of people during WWII, even if they’re removed from the actual battlefields, out in the beautiful and serene rural areas. Still, people act a certain way in a war, and hell if I don’t like the rampant sex and desperate love affairs that it creates. And fuck off to anyone who judges. People do what they want, they don’t worry about social mores. And all those Dear John letters. Oh man.
The movie is a drama, but it has its wonderful comical quirks. This fascinating concept that we could die at any second, so let’s fuck, let’s fall in love, let’s get married! It’s wonderful in a way – it’s living life to its fullest, not taking anything for granted, in its most extreme sense. I try very hard not to take things for granted, like my time here in Bangkok, but I am human, it is impossible not to do it somewhat.
It has this endless sexual theme throughout and how each girl approaches it. The girls are all young and attractive – two of them are actually some of my favorite actresses – and there’s one son, of the farmer, on the farm with them. You can imagine what happens afterward. And of course, of the three, there’s always the cheeky slut. But she’s actually the least interesting character. And I really like how they have the “good” girl and the “proper” girl and they’re quite different from each other. They don’t make them total archetypes or caricatures.
I wonder what it is about WWII. Why do “we” find it so romantic, so enchanting, so endlessly fascinating? Vietnam was too shameful, Korea too short and obscure, World War I too far away. The stories out of WWII though seem inexhaustible. And I admit to being drawn to it myself. I wrote my major Scandinavian project paper on WWII in Denmark and did my Master’s thesis on WWII in the Philippines. I have often wondered who I would have been during WWII (I always see myself in Europe). I often see myself as either a saboteur or a Mata Hari type. Or of course, the person hiding a family of Jews in my basement. But I suppose we all imagine ourselves like this. Like the joke how every woman imagines herself as Joan of Arc or Cleopatra in a past life, and every man thinks he was…I don’t know, Alexander the Great? Napolean? What do men fantasize about? Or do they only fantasize about sex? Anyway. No one ever envisions his or herself to be a leper, or poor peasant, or beggar.
Sunday, April 14, 2002
Friday, April 12, 2002
On Being Alone
You know, it really bothers me a lot that people cannot accept that one enjoys being alone and/or single. I tell people that it’s not that I don’t get lonely, (once in awhile I do), and it’s not that I’m an antisocial hermit (for god’s sake, I go out with friends a few times a month at least), but it’s this choosing to be alone that just bothers people so much. WHY?!?! That bothers me! I was reading a book once that said that the reason people get so annoyed with those who read on a bus, restaurant, etc. is that it shows that they don’t need others. Or something like that. Is enjoyment of solitude such a threat to society? I have my lonely moments! But not as often as people hope I do. Almost wish I do. I don’t avoid human contact. I’m no Walt Whitman in the woods. Why am I so strange? It’s opinions like that which make me want to be alone.
My new obsession with reading, or I should say, my re-connection with my old obsession, makes my solitude even more enjoyable. And I’m flying through books and loving it. A very long, hot, boring bus ride can be helped by a good book in your bag (I almost never go anywhere without one). And I love how I am once again learning learning learning from simple novels. It’s funny in a way, I almost TOTALLY suspended reading for enjoyment in college, and though I was being educated, I was losing knowledge as well. It just seemed like such a waste of valuable time.
What I love, is that if a novel is really good, really well-written, (and I try to be completely choosy on what I read), then you can learn real things, that you’d think you could only learn in something of non-fiction. For instance, I just read a successful book called, “In the Heart of the Sea” which is a novel about a true event (the attack of the ship Essex by a sperm whale and the horrible aftermath – it was Melville’s inspiration for Moby Dick). What a chilling book! But so interesting to learn about early American whaling industry, places like Nantucket and that whole culture (including the wives left behind for years at a time), and of course, the story of a boatful of men floating on the seat for 90 days. Every time I get really thirsty I think about this book. We all like to think of ourselves in extreme situations and think we’d be great! We’d persevere. But really, though I do see myself that way, I’m just a bit wussy girl. I can’t even live without my air conditioner in Bangkok. The one in the living room broke about a week ago and I thought I was going to kill myself.
Anyway, to get on with my point – Fuck all those people who scoff at the enjoyment of solitude. Enjoying solitude does not equate ‘psychopath in shack in the woods’ or ‘wild mountain milita man’ or ‘strange woman with 55 cats and a smelly house.’ I like going out with my friends – though I am VERY choosy nowadays who I go out with, and I sure enjoy men and all their delights, but I also enjoy being by myself – exploring Bangkok, taking all the time I want in a bookstore, getting IN and OUT of a mall without “window shopping” (*GAG*), seeing the movie *I* want to see, eating where I want to eat, and saying “fuck this heat” and schlepping myself back home as soon as possible. I LOVE doing those things. I love doing them with others, but I love doing it alone.
And screw all those people who think being alone also equates either a pathetic and lonely woman (who needs help), or a closet lesbian. Last time I checked, lesbians didn’t fit one of the three archetypes I named above. As I mentioned, I do enjoy having good men in my life, and have, for the MOST part, been lucky in that respect. The playing field is painfully reduced in Bangkok, but it’s still there. Send me an intelligent, cute, adventurous man with a sense of humor (there are a lot here who don’t seem to know how to laugh), and please make him speak fluent English. That’ll do for me.
Anyway, if my fortress of solitude attitude doesn’t meet society’s requirements for a normal person, then frankly, me and my 55 cats, could give a rat’s ass..
My new obsession with reading, or I should say, my re-connection with my old obsession, makes my solitude even more enjoyable. And I’m flying through books and loving it. A very long, hot, boring bus ride can be helped by a good book in your bag (I almost never go anywhere without one). And I love how I am once again learning learning learning from simple novels. It’s funny in a way, I almost TOTALLY suspended reading for enjoyment in college, and though I was being educated, I was losing knowledge as well. It just seemed like such a waste of valuable time.
What I love, is that if a novel is really good, really well-written, (and I try to be completely choosy on what I read), then you can learn real things, that you’d think you could only learn in something of non-fiction. For instance, I just read a successful book called, “In the Heart of the Sea” which is a novel about a true event (the attack of the ship Essex by a sperm whale and the horrible aftermath – it was Melville’s inspiration for Moby Dick). What a chilling book! But so interesting to learn about early American whaling industry, places like Nantucket and that whole culture (including the wives left behind for years at a time), and of course, the story of a boatful of men floating on the seat for 90 days. Every time I get really thirsty I think about this book. We all like to think of ourselves in extreme situations and think we’d be great! We’d persevere. But really, though I do see myself that way, I’m just a bit wussy girl. I can’t even live without my air conditioner in Bangkok. The one in the living room broke about a week ago and I thought I was going to kill myself.
Anyway, to get on with my point – Fuck all those people who scoff at the enjoyment of solitude. Enjoying solitude does not equate ‘psychopath in shack in the woods’ or ‘wild mountain milita man’ or ‘strange woman with 55 cats and a smelly house.’ I like going out with my friends – though I am VERY choosy nowadays who I go out with, and I sure enjoy men and all their delights, but I also enjoy being by myself – exploring Bangkok, taking all the time I want in a bookstore, getting IN and OUT of a mall without “window shopping” (*GAG*), seeing the movie *I* want to see, eating where I want to eat, and saying “fuck this heat” and schlepping myself back home as soon as possible. I LOVE doing those things. I love doing them with others, but I love doing it alone.
And screw all those people who think being alone also equates either a pathetic and lonely woman (who needs help), or a closet lesbian. Last time I checked, lesbians didn’t fit one of the three archetypes I named above. As I mentioned, I do enjoy having good men in my life, and have, for the MOST part, been lucky in that respect. The playing field is painfully reduced in Bangkok, but it’s still there. Send me an intelligent, cute, adventurous man with a sense of humor (there are a lot here who don’t seem to know how to laugh), and please make him speak fluent English. That’ll do for me.
Anyway, if my fortress of solitude attitude doesn’t meet society’s requirements for a normal person, then frankly, me and my 55 cats, could give a rat’s ass..
Psycho Dan, the Ex-Pat
“Oh yes, I know you have friends here too, but it’s not the same thing. We’re all from different towns, from different social levels. We’re friends just because we’re all the same thing – planters, assistants. It’s like prisoners or exiles. We drink together, we have fun, and that’s all.”
-- referring to the Dutch of the rubber plantation community in East Sumatra, Indonesia in the 1920’s. Taken from Graham Saunders’ book, Tropical Interludes: European Life and Society in South-East Asia.
----------------------------------
Well, some things never change. Ex-pats are still thrown together and find nothing more exciting than getting shit-faced. This reminded me of the most shit-faced of them all, Psycho Dan.*
You know, in my blog about psychopathic ex-pats, I had originally written an example of a teacher we had in our school who was the most fucked up ex-pat to date (his drug taking and booze swilling ways catapulted him to super-asshole status). Psycho Dan. I had hoped, as I’d heard, that he’d left the country (psycho ex-pats like this always end up moving to a new country to deposit some more of their human pollution), but no! He has returned again, like a bad (is there a good?) case of herpes.
Seems that Psycho Dan came to the house of a friend of mine, who lives just down the street from me. He repeatedly rang the friend’s doorbell. After no answer, (meaning of course, the people are not home or asleep!), he climbed the stone fence surrounding the house (complete with barbed wire), and jumped inside. Luckily, the friend had a protective dog inside those walls, who immediately went after Psycho Dan. Psycho Dan, armed with his shirt wrapped around his arm and a mop, (and apparently a good deal of drugs and alcohol in his system), was fending off the dog and screaming to the friend to punish his dog. Seeing as how the dog had done its job and kept Psycho Dan from entering the house (WHY did he enter if he thought no one was home?!), the friend gave his good dog a hot dog for reward. Though this behavior alarmed me, it didn't totally surprise me. An extreme example, but still an example of some of the ex-pats here. It’s not Thais that would make me want to leave Thailand, it’s the ex-pats! My social community. Eegad. Anyway, moving on….
* I'm not changing his name to protect the innocent (*laugh scoff*), but to protect myself from this true psycho.
-- referring to the Dutch of the rubber plantation community in East Sumatra, Indonesia in the 1920’s. Taken from Graham Saunders’ book, Tropical Interludes: European Life and Society in South-East Asia.
----------------------------------
Well, some things never change. Ex-pats are still thrown together and find nothing more exciting than getting shit-faced. This reminded me of the most shit-faced of them all, Psycho Dan.*
You know, in my blog about psychopathic ex-pats, I had originally written an example of a teacher we had in our school who was the most fucked up ex-pat to date (his drug taking and booze swilling ways catapulted him to super-asshole status). Psycho Dan. I had hoped, as I’d heard, that he’d left the country (psycho ex-pats like this always end up moving to a new country to deposit some more of their human pollution), but no! He has returned again, like a bad (is there a good?) case of herpes.
Seems that Psycho Dan came to the house of a friend of mine, who lives just down the street from me. He repeatedly rang the friend’s doorbell. After no answer, (meaning of course, the people are not home or asleep!), he climbed the stone fence surrounding the house (complete with barbed wire), and jumped inside. Luckily, the friend had a protective dog inside those walls, who immediately went after Psycho Dan. Psycho Dan, armed with his shirt wrapped around his arm and a mop, (and apparently a good deal of drugs and alcohol in his system), was fending off the dog and screaming to the friend to punish his dog. Seeing as how the dog had done its job and kept Psycho Dan from entering the house (WHY did he enter if he thought no one was home?!), the friend gave his good dog a hot dog for reward. Though this behavior alarmed me, it didn't totally surprise me. An extreme example, but still an example of some of the ex-pats here. It’s not Thais that would make me want to leave Thailand, it’s the ex-pats! My social community. Eegad. Anyway, moving on….
* I'm not changing his name to protect the innocent (*laugh scoff*), but to protect myself from this true psycho.
Friday, April 05, 2002
MY TOP TEN MOVIE LIST
Okay, so I really want to see what the new template looks like, and how I can work with it in the future, so I'm just going to plunk down my "Top 10" (really, 17) list of movies. And no, I will never, never, put Citizen Kane or Gone with the Wind. *puke*, or It's a Wonderful Life, or, though I enjoyed it, The Wizard of Oz (though I really did love "Meet me in St. Louis!)"
1. Far Away, So Close!
2. Jules et Jim
3. To Kill a Mockingbird
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
5. Ladyhawke
6. Gladiator
7. Ever After
8. Raiders of the Lost Ark
9. Sliding Doors
10. Wuthering Heights (w/Olivier)
11. Jean de Florette, Manon de Sources
12. 12 Angry Men
13. The Secret of NIMH
14. Sense and Sensibility
15. La Vita รจ Bella
16. A Destiny of Her Own
17. The Thomas Crown Affair
1. Far Away, So Close!
2. Jules et Jim
3. To Kill a Mockingbird
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
5. Ladyhawke
6. Gladiator
7. Ever After
8. Raiders of the Lost Ark
9. Sliding Doors
10. Wuthering Heights (w/Olivier)
11. Jean de Florette, Manon de Sources
12. 12 Angry Men
13. The Secret of NIMH
14. Sense and Sensibility
15. La Vita รจ Bella
16. A Destiny of Her Own
17. The Thomas Crown Affair
Thursday, April 04, 2002
The Ugly American...and Canadian...and Australian...
Why why why are there so many Psychopathic Ex-patriates here in Bangkok!?!?
So, I've been here about a year and a half, and sometimes it feels amazing and wonderful, and at other times it feels like an extended and mutated form of boot camp. Living abroad is at the very least, challenging -- especially in places that are so completely different from where you come from. And Bangkok is a big, dirty, smelly city with not much in aesthetic value. It takes sometimes hours to get from place to place, and the traffic never lets up. Never. I think you have to be kind of tough to live here.
If you have to be tough, do you have to be difficult?? Can being 'tough' make a generally happy or content person miserable? I still go through my silent rages at things I deem as inefficient and incompetent around me. And truly, I find a part of me saying, "It wouldn't be like this in the U.S.!" Ha ha! Whatever. There's a lot of good and bad in a new country, because you feel yourself standing apart from it, analyzing every single gesture, custom, more, protocol, attitude, etc. with a magnifying glass, and comparing it to what you believe it SHOULD be. This is never a really good thing, because I think it's one of the root causes of those ex-pats who are bitter about everything and constantly say things like, "I fucking hate it when The Thais......"
But what I really want know is...Where are all the NORMAL ex-pats?? And if I think I am one of the only ones, am I actually the pyscho one? I've met quite a number of "ex-pat's," and by and large, they're a big group of druggies/alcoholics and/or angry/bitter/violent people and/or clinically-Depressed-get-me-some-Zoloft-now! people.
Do they come to Bangkok this way or does Bangkok do this to them??? Why are so many of these people so incredibly fucked up? It seems everyone I meet has a personality with an extreme quality about it. Extremely mad, extremely thirsty (for beer), extremely manipulative, even extremely cruel, extremely paranoid, extremely bitter. An American friend of mine said the other day, "You know, Thailand sends its best to America, and America sends all its trash to Thailand." But it's not just Americans. Before I came to Bangkok, I had a great opinion of the Australians I had met in the United States and in Europe. They were fun-loving, friendly, and of course, they loved their beer. Here it seems different. Sure, they still love their beer, but now I encounter men who are macho, sexist, and antiquated in their thinking. They're the kind of men you always hear about, but you really never meet. These men DO exist!
I've met Americans who cannot wait to take minutes away from your life, that you'll never get back, in their ranting about how absolutely horrible the United States is. And yet, it is these same people who cannot seem to find their niche in Thailand.
I've met English who turn up their nose at everyone and anyone, and proclaim proudly how they were "bred to whinge." Good luck trying to be silly and goofy around these people -- they'll look at you as if you're a fucking idiot.
The one group I can honestly say I have no complaints about are the New Zealanders. I've met several, and they always strike me as the most laid back people on this Earth. Rah rah Kiwis!
But that's the thing. Extremes! I meet Americans who either LOVE America *wave the flag* or HATE America *burn the flag and spit on it*. People who LOVE Thailand, thinking everyone here is "soooo nice" and who HATE Thailand, thinking "everything
here is so fucked up!" It gets a bit depressing after awhile. It's hard to be friends with Thais, since it's very difficult to find Thais who speak English well (and after a year and a half, my Thai isn't anything to write home about). And when you go out with other ex-pats, you find that it involves two things a) more drinking of whisky in one sitting than you've ever had in your life and b) more bitching and moaning in one sitting than you're ever done in your life. As one man put it, "That stuff is contagious" (he was talking about the complaining). They both are. It's like this moody, bitter group you get sucked into. You think you feel better by venting it all out, and in the end, you're all just as mad as you were before. You just feel better that others are mad too (a la Aesop's "Misery loves company").
I just want to meet people who are relatively happy, and who like to laugh. To avoid those whose only recreational activity involves a bar and endless bottles of whisky (and no dinner! That takes up too much room in the stomach!). To find people who enjoy eating, who like to go to movies, who don't mind exploring a city of 10 million, etc. I know like THREE of you. As for the rest of you....where are you!?!
So, I've been here about a year and a half, and sometimes it feels amazing and wonderful, and at other times it feels like an extended and mutated form of boot camp. Living abroad is at the very least, challenging -- especially in places that are so completely different from where you come from. And Bangkok is a big, dirty, smelly city with not much in aesthetic value. It takes sometimes hours to get from place to place, and the traffic never lets up. Never. I think you have to be kind of tough to live here.
If you have to be tough, do you have to be difficult?? Can being 'tough' make a generally happy or content person miserable? I still go through my silent rages at things I deem as inefficient and incompetent around me. And truly, I find a part of me saying, "It wouldn't be like this in the U.S.!" Ha ha! Whatever. There's a lot of good and bad in a new country, because you feel yourself standing apart from it, analyzing every single gesture, custom, more, protocol, attitude, etc. with a magnifying glass, and comparing it to what you believe it SHOULD be. This is never a really good thing, because I think it's one of the root causes of those ex-pats who are bitter about everything and constantly say things like, "I fucking hate it when The Thais......"
But what I really want know is...Where are all the NORMAL ex-pats?? And if I think I am one of the only ones, am I actually the pyscho one? I've met quite a number of "ex-pat's," and by and large, they're a big group of druggies/alcoholics and/or angry/bitter/violent people and/or clinically-Depressed-get-me-some-Zoloft-now! people.
Do they come to Bangkok this way or does Bangkok do this to them??? Why are so many of these people so incredibly fucked up? It seems everyone I meet has a personality with an extreme quality about it. Extremely mad, extremely thirsty (for beer), extremely manipulative, even extremely cruel, extremely paranoid, extremely bitter. An American friend of mine said the other day, "You know, Thailand sends its best to America, and America sends all its trash to Thailand." But it's not just Americans. Before I came to Bangkok, I had a great opinion of the Australians I had met in the United States and in Europe. They were fun-loving, friendly, and of course, they loved their beer. Here it seems different. Sure, they still love their beer, but now I encounter men who are macho, sexist, and antiquated in their thinking. They're the kind of men you always hear about, but you really never meet. These men DO exist!
I've met Americans who cannot wait to take minutes away from your life, that you'll never get back, in their ranting about how absolutely horrible the United States is. And yet, it is these same people who cannot seem to find their niche in Thailand.
I've met English who turn up their nose at everyone and anyone, and proclaim proudly how they were "bred to whinge." Good luck trying to be silly and goofy around these people -- they'll look at you as if you're a fucking idiot.
The one group I can honestly say I have no complaints about are the New Zealanders. I've met several, and they always strike me as the most laid back people on this Earth. Rah rah Kiwis!
But that's the thing. Extremes! I meet Americans who either LOVE America *wave the flag* or HATE America *burn the flag and spit on it*. People who LOVE Thailand, thinking everyone here is "soooo nice" and who HATE Thailand, thinking "everything
here is so fucked up!" It gets a bit depressing after awhile. It's hard to be friends with Thais, since it's very difficult to find Thais who speak English well (and after a year and a half, my Thai isn't anything to write home about). And when you go out with other ex-pats, you find that it involves two things a) more drinking of whisky in one sitting than you've ever had in your life and b) more bitching and moaning in one sitting than you're ever done in your life. As one man put it, "That stuff is contagious" (he was talking about the complaining). They both are. It's like this moody, bitter group you get sucked into. You think you feel better by venting it all out, and in the end, you're all just as mad as you were before. You just feel better that others are mad too (a la Aesop's "Misery loves company").
I just want to meet people who are relatively happy, and who like to laugh. To avoid those whose only recreational activity involves a bar and endless bottles of whisky (and no dinner! That takes up too much room in the stomach!). To find people who enjoy eating, who like to go to movies, who don't mind exploring a city of 10 million, etc. I know like THREE of you. As for the rest of you....where are you!?!
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