The Golden Compass - A- (book and movie) and Other Religious Stuff

On Christmas Eve, as Beau and I ate our lovely dinner at home, he pointed to something under my plate. "What's that?" he asked. It was a ticket stub. I thought it was my leftover "I Am Legend" ticket stub that I had just fished out of my coat pocket earlier and must have somehow dropped onto the table. I picked it up and read it. "GOLDENCOMP" it said. Huh?

I wasn't too quick on the uptake that night.

I finally did realize, with a bit of prodding from Beau, that he had surprised me with tickets to see The Golden Compass. It was one of my Christmas presents and I was thrilled. I was currently reading the book, loving it, and really wanted to see the movie.

Since I have a subscription to Entertainment Weekly, and I *blush* often buy copies of People magazine for my bathroom time pleasure, I always have a pretty good idea of what various critics think of movies before I go see them. Sometimes I think they can be a bit influential, but it's always nice when they turn out NOT to be.

I heard all the *yawn* controversy over The Golden Compass long before I read the lengthy EW review on it. I know how many claim it's anti-Catholic, etc. I bought the book and decided to make up my own mind regarding it. I must say, I am REALLY enjoying this book, and though I haven't finished it yet, and despite the fact I've heard the series just gets darker and darker, I wouldn't say that the book is anti-Catholic. In fact, the story reminds me a great deal of the wonderful book and movie, The Handmaid's Tale, which is a cautionary tale against the dangers of a ruling theocracy. Theocracy does not always = Evil Christians (see Iran). And any group that tries to control the actions of the masses will have some kind of ideology behind it. I think you have to if you're going to be so uber-ly-gung ho on dictatorial rule of any kind. Maybe my opinion will change as I read through the series and more of the plot opens up. Maybe the author has an ax to grind with the church. I know I do, and I could quickly find about 10 friends with the same attitude.

One memory that still irks me was from when I was a child. I had this best friend - a fantastic one - named Mary Catherine Phelan (just try and guess what HER religion was). I was raised Lutheran, and had dutifully gone through baptismal, communion, and confirmation. My grandmother, irate when she learned I was, as usual, procrastinating, forced me to skip school one day and go to the library so I could write a 20 page paper on the life of Jesus for my confirmation requirements. ANYWAY, Mary's very religious family would take me to church, but would never let me leave the pew to receive communion. After having gone through the various rigors to become "eligible" to receive communion in my own church, I was outraged to be refused. Yeah yeah, you can say all you want about it being different denominations, beliefs, etc. But all I knew then, and still agree with now, was that I had come from a church which every Sunday announced, "All those who wish to share in the blessing that is communion please feel free to come forward," and now was in a church that said, "No, you're not one of us, you can't do it."

I went up anyway, and basically enraged her parents. I was not a disobedient child, not even remotely, but that was something that seemed so wrong to me at the time, and still today.

Again, I digress. So, that is just one of my own personal grudges against Catholicism, so if the author has his own, I won't begrudge him. It's certainly not the d(a)emon book it's made out to be. It has many wonderful concepts that you can turn over in your mind, and man, who WOULDN'T long for a wonderful daemon of their own? Just contemplating the concept of the soul residing outside the body is enough to happily chew on intellectually. I like it.

Many have complained that the movie is a highly diluted version of the book, removing all religious controversy and philosophies in order to make the movie appealing to a broad audience (especially since they planned from the start to make all three books into films). Sure, I can see that; it's always disappointing when movie makers wuss out and are not true to the real teeth and claws of the book. But I can be forgiving.

If you have read the book, you'll notice that the movie is true to the plot, but used TREMENDOUS amounts of "creative license" when tweaking numerous details. Lines and actions from the book are given to different characters in the movie and scenes are done in different locations or a different chronological order. I was surprised that this didn't bother me. I guess after so many people went apeshit over the Harry Potter movies, which I have loved, I am not so serious now about "being true to (every fucking detail of) the book." In all honesty, despite the large amount of differences between book and movie, I find The Golden Compass to be utterly faithful to the book's message and story, if not, a bit lightened for all those don't-touch-my-religion(!!!) Christians, which didn't work anyway since they're still pissed off.

I loved it though. I don't happen to think it's all CGI wonders and no plot, but perhaps that's because I'm filling in the holes in my own mind as I watch the film. It certainly didn't have the plot trip-ups that I Am Legend suffered from. I thought Nicole Kidman's "Mrs. Coulter" was both utterly beautiful and utterly terrifying. The young actress, Dakota Blue Richards, who played the main character of Lyra, was just as charming, clever, and defiant as her literary counterpart. Daniel Craig, whom I found handsome for the first time ever in a film, as Lord Asriel, is fantastic at saying more with his eyes than his mouth. And again, the whole concept of daemon's was fascinating (particularly the way they perish). The only tiny ick I had was the use of Ian McKellen's voice as the formidable Iorek Byrnison - an armored polar bear. Haven't I had enough of him fulfilling these epic, powerful, sci-fi roles? Too familiar for me.

But read the book and/or see the movie for yourself - and make up your own mind.

And I always thought Bina was the Diva

Dahhhhling!

You're Never Satisfied

So, I got the job.

I wish I could say I was thrilled, ecstatic, happy, and excited. But really, I'm slightly disappointed and mostly just relieved (kind of like when you find out you're not pregnant after a pregnancy scare). I have yearned for the "security" that a permanent job offers (as well as medical insurance, annual leave, etc.), for an entire year now, and to not be a temp certainly gives me a much stronger sense of stability. But...but but but.

I'm a brat.

Especially since it's even better than I imagined. After my boss (the Big Cheese) took me into a room, I thought I was being let go, for sure. I felt kind of okay about it, since I'd been steeling myself for it for weeks and weeks, though I'm sure once I got home, I would have bawled my eyes out.

Then he told me I had the job, and furthermore, because I had expressed my desire to really have a more substantive role and duties, I was to be given that too. I'll get to work on some real issues here at the university. PLUS, I will be working exclusively with my Cool Boss and not at ALL with the ever-aggravating Office Manager Woman (OMW). They will be hiring an ADDITIONAL person to do all the plebian stuff that I've been doing and to work closely with OMW to help her get out from under her massive workload.

Oh yeah, and I'll be getting a "substantive raise."

Fantastic! Right? It sure sounds great as I type it all out. And make no mistake, I am truly grateful for this chance to prove that all this potential I have is the real deal. This is a good opportunity and I plan to make the most of it.

But I also realize that my heart is not in it. Oh, I'll make sure to do a good job, I'll continue to work hard and give it my all, but I think I "left" Montana already. This is sort of a state of mind I get when I KNOW I'm going to leave a place. About a month or two before I actually do, I kind of mentally leave it already. It can make it pretty unbearable to wait out those final weeks, but I guess it's a bit of a defensive mechanism to get me excited for the new place and ease the transition of leaving behind the old. I still remember making my "Goodbye" mixed tape when I left Arizona just a week after high school graduation to fly to Wisconsin for college (I was in a summer program before my freshman year began). As the plane took off, my heart pounding, "Already Gone" by the Eagles was playing in my ears, followed by songs like "Philadelphia Freedom" and "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John and "I'm Free" by Kenny Loggins.

I've just become so disenchanted with Montana this past year that I yearn to start anew. I feel like I'm done here, and unless the dream job of the universe fell in my lap, I'm not sure I could muster up the excitement to stick around. And even if a great job DID come about, that doesn't change the fact that wages are low, we live hand to mouth, and that the possibility of purchasing a house has now become a joke (Missoula housing prices continue to skyrocket despite the rest of the nation's housing slump).

I now fantasize about returning to Missouri (hopefully Columbia or Springfield area), and still dream of New Zealand. I feel like I'm just treading water here and wasting precious time. I'll be 35 next month and I have no career to show for it, not to mention that if I want to get knocked up, the clock has recently begun to tick in my ear. I need a job that I can not only use my education and skills in, but one that I look forward to going to every day. And my husband needs that as well. I'm not ashamed to say this place has crushed us. I don't feel shame because I know that we're two worthy, educated, talented people who just got a shit deal, and that in many other places, we'd be kicking some ass right now.

But for now, I'm gainfully employed. Hallelujah.

Onward!

I Am Legend - B+

I AM LEGEND

There are no major spoilers below, but still, read at your own risk. Some people are sensitive to ANY detail given out.
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Okay, it won't go down in my top 10, 20, or 50 movies of all time, but nevertheless, I really enjoyed it. In general, I'm into apocalyptic movies, Will Smith is always entertaining, and well, it was set in NYC! Ever since I lived in NYC, movies and TV shows there are just so much more fun. Especially since almost every inch of that place is so recognizable. I'll be watching Law & Order or something, and exclaim out to Beau, "Hey! See that restaurant! I ate there! Oh, and that's my subway! Oh, and and..."

I was living in NYC when "The Day After Tomorrow" came out, another apocalyptical flick regarding a new ice age, and seeing those enormous waves descend upon the Big Apple was truly terrifying. It wasn't just, "Wow, look at those waves destroy NYC," It was "Holy shit, that's where I WORK!" I guess even after you leave a place like NYC, you still feel like a part of it (something I'm sure present NYers themselves would vehemently protest against. They are such survivors, you know!)

AN-Y-WAY, the movie was a lot of fun, and intense in such a way that my heart felt clenched throughout its entirety. Anytime you have sprinting zombies/vampires, it's nails-dug-into-jeans time. Will Smith, alone on Manhattan island, desperately searching for a cure for this medical miracle gone wrong, is a tragic hero, and TRULY conveys the loneliness and heartbreak that goes along with his self-imposed exile. Throughout the film, you put yourself in his place and imagine how you would face each day, what you would do (still can't believe he so HONESTLY returned those cd's every morning. Pffff).

POSSIBLE SPOILERS IN NEXT COUPLE PARAGRAPHS:

Yes, it's true, there are some MAJOR plot problems that nag at you, even while you are watching the film, and which I thought could have easily and quickly been "take care of" by a line here or there. Just minutes after the film, Beau and I were discussing the one that Jera mentions, regarding Will Smith's final "evaluation" of the monsters. But I think, strangely enough, what bugged me the most was purely a logistical plot hole having to do with transportation. Without giving too much away, let's remember that Manhattan is an island with all bridges destroyed. Now, if we think about traveling onto and off of this island...that part in itself really irked me.

To be fair though, some of those problems could also be rationalized out in your own mind - I read Roger Ebert's review and something he pointed out as a contradiction, in my opinion, wasn't at all (Will Smith's reason for searching for a cure). Will Smiths' character, Robert Neville, plainly states, on more than one occasion, that he truly believes he should (morally) and can (scientifically) "fix" the problem - find a cure. He feels so responsible (though it is not clear why HE does) for the devastation, and also probably due to guilt that he is one of the rare "immune" cases, that he absolutely must be the one to stop it all.

Lastly, a big shout out to the lovely and loyal German Shepard, "Sam." I admit, as an animal lover, I'm a sucker for any movie with the dog companion. "Dog" in The Road Warrior, Maximus' German Shepard in Gladiator, etc. Sam was a wonderful part of the movie, and not a bad actress!

If you can deal with a few plot icks in a film, then I definitely think you should go see I Am Legend. It's a treat.

Murder in Missoula

That's the title on the front of today's newspaper, and it is truly a tragic story. It's really, really gotten to me and I feel so angry and disgusted and helpless.

Here's the story: a homeless man named Forrest Clayton Salcido was sitting on a bench on pedestrian bridge a few nights ago. Two "kids," (A 18 year-old high school senior and his 20 year-old buddy), came upon him, taunted and beat him, and once they got him on the ground, stomped on his head until he was dead. They stomped so hard, and so many times, that the man, "Clay," was totally unrecognizable by his own brother. I know, gruesome.

No reason, none at all. The boys were drunk, Clay was not. And according to the lengthy story done by the local paper, the Missoulian, Clay was not a drunk, on drugs, mentally unstable, etc. He was just some guy who one day said, "Fuck this," and went off on his own. He has family and lots of friends in town whom he visited often, including a mother he saw every Sunday. He did odd jobs and recycled cans for cash, and he basically took care of himself. He liked his life the way it was, and he wasn't bothering anyone.

I'm not a stranger to this kind of viciousness myself, albeit as a witness, as I experienced back in Brooklyn three years ago. To be homeless, means to be a constant target, as if being homeless isn't tough enough in itself, add to that all the problems that many face. But the deep, dark cruelty of this act has really shook me. I don't think I really believe in pure evil, though I believe there can be immense darkness in anyone, and searching for a reason from these two boy killers is a lost cause. I don't believe in the death penalty either, though I suspect the rest of these boys' lives are a lost cause (they both already had lengthy rap sheets). But Clay's wasn't. He had many people who loved him, and I can't imagine how much the pain of losing him is compounded by how he died. I don't have any answers or solutions....just wanted to vent sorrow.

My Inner Daemons

I would like to sincerely thank those who commented on the previous post. It did help (me) a lot. I wish there was more that could be done for Beau, but we just have to keep looking, and moving, forward. I found another university job in Missouri to apply to, so I'll keep going with that.

Last night, to distract myself from my seething white-hot H8, I took this test for my "daemon" - from the movie, The Golden Compass. Fun stuff. I have to admit being slightly disappointed with my original result though -- a mouse. I took it again, since there were a few questions I could have gone either way on, and I ended up with a crow, which is not sexy like the snow leopard or dragon, but I'll take it. They're pretty darn close, personality-wise, so I guess I'm a mouse-crow. I like their names too. Pelloneus. "That's fun to say!"

Oh, and if you have lots of free time (as I do), you can take a small test to see if I match my daemon. Seems rather narcissistic actually, but I'll do it for you too!

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Okay, I think I fixed this. *grumble*

Anger, Disgust, Towel Thrown In

I've had it with Missoula. Totally. Had it. There are not NEARLY enough redeeming qualities to justify the Bizarro World we've been living in for nearly a year now. The arrogance. The completely incredulous behavior. The highs have been scarce, and the lows have been just ridiculous. Come June, with luck (ha!), we'll get the fuck out of here. I'm so angry right now I can hardly breathe.

As previously mentioned, Beau has been subbing for local high schools, one in particular who seemed to take a real liking to him. He was chummy with the Science staff, who constantly requested him personally. When a half-time teaching job became available at the sudden departure of a Biology teacher, the Science staff was quick to shepherd Beau in to take it over temporarily and rallied for him to apply and take it permanently. Half-time isn't ideal, but hell, we were thrilled to finally get our foot in the door! FINALLY!

Of course, he would have to interview for it, and the first month would be considered "temping" before it actually became a salary job (erm, okay, whatever). He began temping the very next day. A few weeks later, they had him interview. All seemed well. Throughout this time, Beau was inundated with compliments. Apparently, the previous teacher had had a LOT of trouble with her students, and Beau's fluid classroom management had made such a remarkable change, that other teachers were commenting happily, and even stated they saw an improvement in their OWN classrooms with the same students. Good signs!

Then, after time had gone on and nothing was heard, an administration person made a comment to Beau that "it's down to the two of you - they're just doing background checks." The two of you?? Immediately, a red flag went up for both of us. Usually, a comment like that wouldn't phase me, but knowing how things here never turn out the way they NORMALLY would, I was somewhat nervous. Obviously they could (and should) interview other qualified candidates, but Beau pretty much thought he'd had it in the bag. How many kudos and how much staff support can you get and NOT think so?

Then the principal called him last night and asked him to come in early today. We knew what that meant, we just hoped it was a POSITIVE thing. It had to be, right?? Beau called me a few minutes before he was to start teaching class to tell me that the principal had informed him that they were going with the other candidate, and as of tomorrow, Beau was out on his ass. Just like that. The principal stated that Beau had "done nothing wrong" during his time teaching these classes, but the other teacher had "more of a Chemistry background" (Note: it's 3 classes of Biology). Then the principal said the job would have to go up again in the Fall, and that he should feel free to apply. *snort* Yeah, right.

I feel so devastated for Beau (who is taking it as stoically as he always does) and so fucking pissed off at what seems to be our Year of Utter Shit, our Year of No Luck, our Year of Menial Jobs and Professional Demoralization. I feel like we really haven't done anything wrong -- that we've been our usual selves -- get a job(s), work hard, do well -- and yet, all we've experienced is disappointment and backsliding. No one could ever accuse us of not trying hard and putting in an honest effort, again and again.

And it's not over yet -- I still have not heard back about MY job, which I should any day now, and which could ALSO go from me being a 9 month temp to unemployed. Ho ho ho. I'm to the point now where I just want to get some totally mindless, anonymous job, like doing 8 hours a day of pure data entry in a small cubicle where no one talks to me, no one looks at me, no one gives me any fucking shit, and I can just become a work zombie. No more ambition, no more desire to have a good middle management job where I can make decisions, and do some good. I haven't totally given up.....yet (a job I applied for in Missouri has currently gone from the HR person to the hiring manager - a very good sign), but I am so sick and tired of this place and it's stupefying outcomes. I'm ready to leave. Now.

Whaddya Say?

I've mentioned before how I love to poke fun at Beau for his very "rural" idiomatic expressions. And as someone who actually taught "American Idioms" to a classroom of foreign students, I'm fascinated with idioms -- their origin both location-wise and meaning-wise. And I just also find them really fun, though not all that easy to teach. The first one I ever taught my Thai students was "raining cats and dogs" and even though they picked the true meaning up quickly, they still loved to repeat it back to me every time even the hint of rain threatened, which was every day during the rainy season.

Anyway, the ones that I sometimes hear come out of Beau's (or his parents') mouths always make me laugh, because it's like they made them up on the spot. Here are some I've started to collect. Some are obvious, some not so much. Notice prevalent theme of "shit."

1. Bird dog it down.

2. Goofier than a pet coon.

3. Can't spell "cat" on three tries.
(I heard this one from a dean at the university)

4. Ornerier than cat shit
(A bizarre one, and a favorite of Beau's).

5. "Couple three" months ago
(translation: "2-3" months ago. I hear this one all the time in Missoula)

6. Went to shit and the hogs ate her.
(I still don't know what this means)

7. Don't that make you wanna shit in your hat 'til the band breaks?
(Ew).

8. As full of shit as a Christmas goose
(more shit)

9. Drier than a popcorn fart
(still with the shit!) "Nuh uh. That's a shitless fart! It's dry!" said Beau.

10. She was so drunk that she couldn't scratch her ass with a wildcat in each hand. A much more colorful take than the "couldn't find his ass with both hands" that I've heard.
("That also goes for anyone who is just mildly coordinated," said Beau).

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And one my beloved great grandmother used to say when waving goodbye to us:
"Come good home!"

Um, okay! *wave*

Groundhog Day - Vomit

I'm beginning to think I'm living my own version of Groundhog Day. Just a lot less funny.

Last Friday I had an interview. For my own job. You know, the job I've been doing since March. And the crazy part is, I don't have high hopes of getting it, nor do I have a strong desire to. And yet, if I don't get it, we're fucked. Totally.

It's the Office Manager Woman (OMW) whom I've been having this bizarre personality conflict with that makes me think I'm in trouble. Her abrupt 180 turn in behavior has made me both confused and sad, though the other employees who have been here for a couple years aren't even fazed. They say that she does that with everyone. Since OMW's declaration that she needed to be "professional" and that her previous chumminess with me was "inappropriate," working with her has become uncomfortable. This is so disappointing, since I really adored her before, and now she's so hyper-critical, so disapproving, that it's making me both paranoid and pissed off. I guess it all comes down to how much clout she has compared to my other boss - the one I adore working with who gives me all the interesting projects to do.

And then, of course, there's the Big Cheese. He's a great guy, but in reality, we have very little contact since every single day he has an insane back-to-back schedule of meetings. In addition, OMW has declared herself his personal assistant and demanded that all contact for him must go through her. She ripped me a new one a couple weeks back because I told a professor he could come introduce himself to the Big Cheese at the end of the day. She took me behind closed doors to berate me for what seemed like a year of my life, telling me that making "appointments" for the Big Cheese was something I was told NEVER to do and that she "didn't want to be rude" but she didn't know how she could make it more clear. I guess I didn't see a handshake as an appointment, but none the less, I guess I know my place now now!

First, I interviewed with OMW and my Cool Boss. That went fine, though it was awkward since I've already been working here for awhile which kinda skewed the questions (they have to ask identical questions of everyone). After that, I had a one-on-one with the Big Cheese, and found myself pleasantly surprised at just how well it went and how much I enjoyed myself. I totally get now why he is so adored and why people gush over him. I've never had one-on-one time with him before, and he is a fantastic communicator. He has this way of showing empathy and acting as if what you say has real interest and meaning to him. He furrows his brow and nods sagely, which makes you feel as if you said something intriguing. In addition, he can finish your sentences, which is a rather startling, and intimate trait. When he asked me what my dream job on campus would be, and I said, "To be the head of International Programs," his eyebrows shot up and he said, "Oh really!?" in such a way that I couldn't tell if he was impressed or flabbergasted at my ambition.

I believe today was the last interview (they interviewed about four or five others). What will happen in the end, I have no idea. I've had numerous people in different departments stop by or call up and say, "Did you get it?" and I have to just shrug and smile and say, "I don't know yet!" That's usually when I'm met with a scowl and a conspiratorial whisper of, "That's how this office always is - all this ridiculous mystery." Anyway, like I said, I guess it depends on how much the other two will defer to OMW. I know the Big Cheese feels thankful for her, as most powerful leaders due to their hard-working, all-controlling assistants, so we'll see. It's strange to need a job you totally don't want, and how demoralizing that can be. Yes, I continue to apply to other jobs (mostly in Missouri) when applicable ones come up, and I'm steeling myself for the possibility that I may be unemployed right around Christmas - demoralizing indeed. Oh well.

Wish me luck. I think.

Random Photo of the Day - Rock Lobster Love Shack

Rock Lobster Shack. MMmm!
Waipapa Bay, New Zealand. Late 2006.

We stopped here on our long, languid, and lovely trip through the south island to munch on some rock lobster. Kiwis call them "crayfish," though they're the size of a large American lobster and a lot scarier looking. A little pricey, but giant and delicious (though unfortunately, not as giant as the one featured atop their shack). Also sadly, despite repeated washings, I could NOT get the lobster stink out of my fingers all day. I know, ew.


Also back at home on the north island, a neighbor in our town delivered us a shoebox with two giant rock lobsters inside that they had simply plucked out of the ocean (apparently children often swim down and get them themselves). To them, it was just a snack from the sea, to us, it was seafood luxury!

Koala Bear

Saturday I had planned to do a lot of housecleaning, but I suddenly just got so tired, and I couldn't resist lying down for a bit. Fergus decided to join me, and instead of snuggling up next to me, he thought it better to climb up on my back and sleep, a la koala bear style. He laid his face so close to my ear that I could hear him lick his lips. I love having the cats sleep with me, but this was a bit...intimate.