I heard that so often, I was expecting it. Perhaps, expecting it too much. 'Cause the truth is, I don't really feel it.
Maybe it's because I (we) just have one child.
Maybe it's because overall she's a very good and happy baby. Maybe because I currently have the luxury of staying home with her and not juggling a career. I dunno. Even Beau said his life hasn't really changed that much. He still does all the same things he did before. Now, it's just that Jiffy Pop is there too.There is one thing that changes, or I should say, changed in ME. My mindset. My thought process. I feel I have to be more responsible, more careful with myself, because now I'm someone's mother and she deserves to grow up with a Mom. It's not like I was ever a risk taker or irresponsible before, it's just now I don't want to take any shortcuts or blow things off.
This coming Thursday I'm having surgery. I'll leave out the details, cause, you know....eww...but it's just a minor surgery and I should be sent home the same day. It's something I was supposed to have done a long time ago, but then I got pregnant with Jiffy Pop and they had to wait til after her birth to prevent an accidental miscarriage.
And I'm not one to get scared by hospitals or surgery. I never worry about stuff like that. But all of the sudden, I'm a little nervous. I mean, it's minor surgery, but they ARE knocking me out and people die on the table sometimes...you know...things happen.
Now, I can't NOT have this surgery, and I know, really, it's fine and it has to be done. It's not keeping me up at night or anything, but suddenly, in the back of my mind, there's a tiny fear...
The fear of leaving behind a tiny baby without a mommy.
I wonder at what point this fear fades away. At what point am I "old enough" and not have to have this constant concern in the back of my head?
Maybe never?
2 comments:
They tell me that that constant concern in the back of your mind IS the 'everything that changes'. And my mom and my sister and most of the other moms I know say that that never goes away...that's what motherhood is, I think :)
Best of luck in your surgery, and my prayers are with you. Jiffy Pop is a lucky, lucky girl :)
Bummer, I thought I had somehow dodged that bullet. Though I do still think having one kid is a LOT different than having two. What did Lauren say her Mom said? "One is one, two is twelve."
And thanks :)
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