Betrayed by the Missoula Employment Staffing Agency!

(In other words, Cruel Cruel Missoula, Part III)

Missoula is really starting to suck in a lot of ways.

As some of you know, I did something out of character for me -- I abruptly quit my temp job at a non-profit to take a new job at the university here. Though I very much want to work at the university, I really did want the job at the non-profit to work out, but the manager there strung me along and screwed me over on more than one occasion, which led me to change my mind about "sticking it out."

Some of you said I should write both the manager and the temp agency and tell them what was going on. I don't really believe in the "Fuck you, you suck, I quit!" exit, so thought the best thing was to write a polite, diplomatic, but honest letter to Shannon at the temp agency. So, that's what I did. I wrote an email where I thanked her for finding me employment in Missoula, said that although the non-profit was an interesting place and had a couple of great people working there, that there were some serious management issues she should be aware of. I specifically told her not to share my letter with the non-profit, since I wanted to try to leave on a peaceful note and not cause a big disturbance. I also told her that for another reason. When I had gone in to meet her on a previous occasion, I told her how I had applied to the university, but didn't want her to mention that. I found out shortly thereafter she had immediately emailed the manager, Kyle and told him exactly that. Nevertheless, I wrote the letter, then awaited her response.

Her response consisted of two sentences. Good luck at the university, and oh yeah, because you quit without notice, you can never work for us again.

Um, okay.

I wrote Steph, a co-worker at the non-profit whom I liked very much and told her basically what I had done and what Shannon had said. Steph wrote me back several hours later to tell me that Shannon had written the non-profit, told them, "I can't believe J. just quit like that!" and then proceeded to forward them the contents of my "confidential" email to her. So much for my specific request not to do that. So much for being a professional employment agency.

I'm pretty disgusted. Although I knew it would be a bit uncomfortable until the dust settled, I had wanted this to all end on a civil note. I hadn't left the organization hanging in any way, since a) when I did leave, I made sure I had no tasks/projects left undone, and b) I was fully aware of how Kyle had gone behind my back to interview another person for my position.

But I guess, in the end, I did leave abruptly, which I didn't want to do, but couldn't help. It's just too bad that on my way out the door, I had to be stabbed in the back.

Bye Bye Kyle!

So, today was my last day at the crazy organization I've been working for on and off for the past six weeks.

Of course, the boss doesn't know it yet.

In the end I completely wussed out. Lovely Steph, who I feel has been my advocate through all of this, basically told me to just go ahead and let the temp agency take care of it. I originally wanted to tell the supervisor, Kyle, but after hearing his double-talk again today, I thought, Fuck it, Fuck him, and get me the Fuck out of here!

So, come Monday, Kyle will have one less staff member, and I'm sure he'll break down in tears, because I've watched in disbelief as he has played the victim in the past couple weeks. As if the whole organization is crashing down around him and everyone's out to get him. Who knows, with his management skills, they probably are. Just last week he was telling the editor she had to start coming in at 8am (she normally comes in between 10 and 10:30 since her main job is to edit -- something that does not require a 9-5 presence). She resisted, and then I heard him whine in a loud and pathetic voice that startled me, "But I need helllllp!" Do you know what he needed "help" with? Answering the phones. I swear to god, each day when I was there and answering all phone calls from 9-5, I probably picked up the phone a total of a dozen times a day. Tops.

So now I need to move forward. I had the two interviews at the University. A week has gone by, and the "good" one that I was not-so-qualified for (despite the fact that they called ME in after seeing my resume in a temp pool) has already rejected me. What I have left is the guaranteed, low-level, short-term clerical job with what seems to be some very nice people. Then, yesterday I got ANOTHER call. Seems the university needs someone real soon for a very high administrative job for one of the highest-level officials in the school. (Yes, I am trying to be somewhat vague). It's a fantastic opportunity, one that pays much more than low-level clerical one, and it will probably last longer too.

But of course, there's a problem. The clerical job had to wait a week to interview me, then they had to wait another week while I waited for the "good" job to decide whether they wanted me or not. Now I know I'm free, NEED a job, and I don't want to make the clerical job wait any longer (I told them this coming Monday by the latest). But but but...what IF I could get that really high-level administrative job? What if...?

I know...bird in the hand...two in the bush. Fuck fuck fuckaroo!

This is my plan (Beau always laughs when I say that, which is quite often). I'm going to leave a voicemail message with the clerical job, tell them I haven't forgotten them, and will call them by the end of the day on Monday (like I kinda said anyway). That way, it will give me all day Monday to wait patiently for the high-level administrative job to come calling. I was told they were going to move fast, but they couldn't guarantee HOW fast.

*sigh*

Anyway, if I was going to have a problem, this is a good one to have.

Oooh, M*A*S*H is on! Time to go! You know me, party party party!

Oh, and I just put this picture in for the helluva it, cause I think it was so cool. Although it was taken in a city in New Zealand, the photo is just SO Montana that it just fits in so well here. Gore, New Zealand! The World Capital of Brown Trout Fishing! Woo!

Bye Bye Barba!

Continuing the ride on my Pop Train, I'm going to give a prayer of thanks to whichever deity FINALLY blessed the departure of Antonella Barba. Yes, I watch American Idol. I love it. I love to make fun of some (Barba) and cheer enthusiastically for others (Melinda, You. Are. Awesome).

And I started to write one of my typically long blogs about my raging annoyance over Ms. Barba, but you know what, it's just not worth it, so I just deleted it all. But I am going to include some of her "racy" photos, 'cause that's all the public really cares about, right?

My Top 10, Erm, 20 Re-Watchable Movies

I LOVE movies. I love watching them, critiquing them, and I'm completely unashamed that I am enamored with pop culture. I know it's not cool to be a pop culture fan, to watch a lot of TV or movies, or read People magazine, but I could give a rat's ass.

That said, I thought it'd be fun to make a list of my Top 10, which eventually stretched out into 20 Favorite Movies -- not for their quality but for their pure enjoyment. You know the movie, every time it's on TV you pause and watch at least some of it (and I HATE watching movies that are broadcast on TV). It's that movie you can quote at least ten lines from. It's that movie that still makes you giggle or weep, despite the fact that it's the 37th time you've seen it. A lot of my top 10 are pretty easy. There will be no Schindler's List on my list. It's a fantastic film, but not something I want to see over and over. Sorry if I don't have anything too artsy on here, I'm a big foreign language film fan, but I'll save those for my regular top 10 list.

And I'd love you to throw in your own faves in the comments section if you'd be so inclined. I'm interested to see what you think, and what I've overlooked, 'cause this is coming off the top of my head right now and I know there's a few dozen I'll have forgotten. Let's get to it...

1. The Fugitive
Cosmo: When I die, I wanna come back just like you.
Samuel Gerard: Oh, you mean happy and handsome?
This is my first of three Harrison Ford appearances. He will always be one of my favorite actors. But this movie isn't just about him -- Tommy Lee Jones really is the one to make this movie such a delight, and I was sorry that his spin-off movie was such crap. All the supporting characters are perfect (my GOD I love those stereotypical Chicago cops!), and I love following along with Dr. Richard Quimble as he slowly unravels the mystery behind his wife's death. You feel like you're right along there with him the whole time. I often think about what I would do if I was in such a situation. Too bad I've already had my hair dyed every kind of shade and style; it won't be so easy to disguise myself now.
(Treat Scene: Dr. Richard Kimble and Samuel Gerard's first face-off in the giant water pipe).


2. The Princess Bride
Inigo: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

My first slam dunk of the list. Anyone who is a Generation X'er like me, knows this movie, loves this movie, and quotes this movie, almost ad nauseum. So, I don't need to say much more about it, except, Inconceivable!
(Treat scene: The sword fight between Wesley and Inigo Montoya).


3. Så Som i Himmelen (As it is in Heaven)
Inger: Now I'm going to say something I've wanted to say for a long time. Something that's plagued me for 20 years. There is no sin. ... The church invented sin.
I snuck a foreign film in here! There are about a half dozen French films I love, but I don't think any of them are as delightful, touching, and re-watchable as this one. This Swedish film that I discovered about six months ago completely floored me. It was the first time, in a very long time, where I walked out of the movie theater in awe, thrilled, touched, and completely satisfied. For those not familiar, it's the story of a famous conductor/composer, who after becoming very ill, decides to completely quit "show business," and retire to the tiny Swedish town he grew up in, despite the fact that as a child, he was repeatedly victimized by a trio of hometown bullies. As the residents realize they've got this celebrity in town, not realizing he was a childhood resident (he has since changed his name), they push him to help conduct the church's choir, despite his objections. As we see with any movie, you cannot have such a "big" force as him enter a small town and not cause quite a disruption, whether positive or negative, affecting the lives of all individuals he touches, and vice versa. And with many of my faves in this blog, this movie has a host of quirky, endearing characters, each with their own unique story.
(Treat Scene: Gabriella's song)

4. The Secret of NIMH
Nicodemus: We can no longer live as rats. We know too much.
Another movie from my childhood. Like other movies in this list, I go for the movie that is slightly different from its genre-mates. This movie may not have the dazzle and pixie dust of Disney, but instead carries a great deal more depth, hope, and tenderness, and features a continual thread of dark, political intrigue uncharacteristic for a child's cartoon, which nonetheless, really spices up the film. And let's not forget its political message against governmental animal testing! Besides, where else can you find yourself cheering for a whole bunch of rats?
(Treat scene: When rescue efforts begin to fail and Mrs. Brisby's home begins to sink into the mud).

5. X-Men, X-Men II
Magneto: You homo sapiens and your guns.

Yes, I'm a Hugh Jackman junkie, but it's more than that. I just really like these films (the third one, less so). I love the characters, I love the plot, I love the action and effects. I was so into these movies that I had a friend (a comic book nut) sit down and tell me the entire X-Men storyline from beginning to end. Poor poor Phoenix.

(Treat Scene: Opening scene in X-Men with Wolverine fighting in the ring, or the opening scene in X-Men II with the assassination attempt on the President).

6. Pride & Prejudice (the BBC mini-series)
Elizabeth Bennet: Perhaps I didn't always love him as well as I do now, but in such cases as these a good memory is unpardonable.

You'd think something that was over six hours long wouldn't be watchable again and again. Well, not for me. This is one of those movies where in the beginning you're not sure if the casting was done very well, and by the end you think the casting was perfect. As with any Jane Austen, the dialogue is crisp and intelligent, the storyline dramatic and romantic, and the women a force to be reckoned with. And no man was ever more stoic and more dreamy than Colin Firth's Darcy.

(Treat Scene: Darcy's disastrous proposal to Elizabeth).


7. Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: So shines a good deed in a weary world.

GOD, I love this movie. And despite a couple of too-creepy moments from the genius that is Gene Wilder, the movie is flawless. I saw the Johnny Depp one and thought it was okay, but it lacks the real beauty of the original, and besides, my god, why do without those fantastic songs???

(Treat Scene: Veruca Salt singing, "Don't Care How, I Want it Now").

8. Dangerous Beauty - A Destiny of Her Own

Beatrice Venier: Do you know what my daughter's nurse told her today? "In a girl's voice lies temptation - a known fact. Eloquence in a woman means promiscuity. Promiscuity of the mind leads to promiscuity of the body." She doesn't believe it yet, but she will. She'll grow up just like her mother. Marry, raise children and honor her family. Spend her youth in needlepoint and rue the day she was born a girl. And when she dies, she'll wonder why she obeyed all the rules of God and Country for no biblical hell could ever be worse than a state of perpetual inconsequence.

This is simply one of my favorite movies, which was shamefully marketed in the U.S. as a soft porn flick featuring Mel Gibson's beautiful wife from Braveheart (Catherine McCormack). In reality, it's a period piece about a woman with a noble family name, but no noble family money, who becomes the most famous courtesan of Venice. This movie was actually based on someone's dissertation, if you can believe that! There's an incentive to get that damn PhD done! Oh, and Jacqueline Bisset's role as Mommy-who-teaches-her-daughter-how-to-screw-men is not to be missed. Not to mention, it's got to be like the first movie where Rufus Sewell is NOT the villain. The movie completely sucks in the romantic in me, and I always go for the strong, female character who uses her head (and well, sometimes her body), to rise in life. I still cry during the trial scene.

(Treat Scene: Veronica Franco's speech during her trial by the Inquisition).

9. Sense & Sensibility
Elinor: Did he tell you he loved you?
Marianne: Yes...no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.
Another Jane Austen movie, script written by Emma Thompson herself (think she won the Oscar) and co-starring a lovely, wide-eyed, wild-n-free Kate Winslet. Also including Hugh Grant, who somehow manages to make his stiff, stuffy, concrete-necked character truly lovable. Not to mention the smoldering sexiness of the utter cad, Willoughby (whom Emma herself shacked up with during the movie, supposedly leaving Kenneth Branaugh, and has been with ever since). And let's not forget Alan Rickman whom I adore, who is tear-jerkingly appealing as the dashing, yet tortured Colonel Brandon. I guess I just keep identifying with the poor girl, with half a brain on her head, trying to make something of her life. What I love about Jane Austen, is that her books always feature strong females with a biting wit and fighting spirit, who are somewhat trapped by tight societal controls. Yet, they always seem to come out on the other side, hot man right along there with them.

(Treat Scene: Marianne's confrontation of Elinor in regard to the latter's seemingly lack of passion or feeling).


10. Meet Me in St. Louis

[When the family finds out that they are moving to New York City permanently]

Tootie: It'll take me at least a week to dig up all my dolls in the cemetery!

Judy Garland at her most beautiful singing my favorite Christmas song, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" as well as the bouncy onomatopoeia delight, "The Trolley Song." Plus, you don't want to miss the so-cute-you-wanna-puke Margaret O'Brien as the first "Tootie." The movie features a family in turn of the century St. Louis, young ladies looking for love, the excitement of the upcoming World Fair, and the promise and hope that the New Year can bring.

(Treat Scene: Esther singing "The Trolley Song" on the...trolley).

11. Raiders of the Lost Ark

Marion: You're not the man I knew ten years ago.

Indiana: It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all love this movie, so it's a slam dunk. I could watch that opening scene over and over (Take note! The guide who betrays him in the cave is Alfred Molina!). And who doesn't love some Nazi ass-kicking? I spent a lot of my pre-teen years intensely in love with Harrison Ford, even riding my bike in a complete downpour for several miles to buy some Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom playing cards. That lopsided grin still gets me today. No wonder I had a professor fetish for so long.

(Treat Scene: The opening scene with that big fucking ball!)


12. Ever After
Baroness Rodmilla: Darling, nothing is final 'til your dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates.

Yes, I'm a foolish romantic, but this movie is just plain fun and tragically underrated! It's beautifully filmed in the French countryside and the performances are so great (despite Drew Barrymore's wavering accent). Anjelica Huston is a real treat. She's fantastic in her evilness, her lines are endlessly quotable, and she's just a damn fine actress. I wish she was in more movies. Plus, the movie tries to be smart, and isn't going for the Hilary Duff crowd. It's a beautiful reflection on love, responsibility, what's truly important to us, and our place in the world. Oh yeah, and Dougray Scott (a Scot!!), is absolutely delicious. One of my favorite parts of the movie is his musings on the whole concept of a soulmate. I wish he'd be in more stuff too. Movie trivia: He was supposed to be Wolverine in the X-Men franchise, but I believe bowed out 'cause he was still doing Mission Impossible II though. No worries, that brought Hugh Jackman into my life!

(Treat Scene: Prince Henry discussing the concept of soulmates with Leonardo di Vinci)


13. Meatballs and 10 Things I Hate About You
10 things - Bianca: You don't buy black underwear unless you want someone to see it.

Meatballs - (Sung by camp counselors):

We are the CITs so pity us

The kids are brats the food is hideous

We're gonna smoke and drink and fool around

We are the Northstar CITs!

There are lots of great teeny bopper movies -- the ones that went slightly astray -- Heathers, Some Kind of Wonderful, My Bodyguard, Say Anything. I'm not sure why I picked these two, probably just because they're in my head right now. Meatballs (another Bill Murray vehicle) was another movie I saw on TV over and over as a kid. It also featured that sympathetic, yet somewhat creepy kid who was also in My Bodyguard. Who is that?

10 Things, the teeny bopper Taming of the Shrew is not great cinema, but fun to watch nonetheless. It has a great soundtrack too! Plus, where else can you see Julia Stiles dancing hotly, immediately followed by her puking her guts out? Then there's also my scene treat for the movie, which involves a pre-famous, brunette, Australian-accented (naturally), Heath Ledger.

(Treat Scene: Patrick singing, "You're Just too Good to Be True" in 10 things. / Hot dog eating contest in Meatballs).



14. The Bourne Identity and Supremacy
Jason Bourne: Who am I?

Conklin: You're U.S. Government property. You're a malfunctioning $30 million weapon. You're a total goddamn catastrophe, and by God, if it kills me, you're going to tell me how this happened.

I'm a chick AND I love action flicks, take THAT dudes! I actually went to the second one by myself in a gigantic NYC movie theater cause I couldn't get any of my friends to go with me. This "series" is one of my favorites. It made me actually like Matt Damon, whom I found pretty fucking boring before this (despite Good Will Hunting being a fine film). It's one of those films that end, and you desparately go, "When's the next one!?!?" I know there's a third coming up, and I can't wait!

(Treat Scene: Jason Bourne confessing to Neski's daughter about her father's assassination - Bourne Supremacy).


15. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.
If you know me, you know of my obsession with the books, and if you really know me, you know what I went through with my 5th graders in Bangkok in regards to this book (a complete labor of love, one of the best things I did in my life). No one is ever happy with the book that becomes the movie, but I thought this first installment was well-acted, and true to the book. And the casting is fucking incredible, movie after movie. (R.I.P. Richard Harris). I was so surprised when Alan Rickman was cast as Snape, but now I couldn't possibly imagine anyone else; he's incredible. Each subsequent movie is very watchable too, but it's this first one that I'm stuck on (despite the third book being my favorite). (Treat scene: Harry's use of the Mirror of ERISED and Dumbledore's subsequent speech against it, or, the Quidditch match).


16. Ladyhawke

Phillipe: I know I promised, Lord, never again. But I also know that YOU know what a weak-willed person I am.

It was my favorite movie from age 12 to somewhere in college, until my then boyfriend pointed out all of the movie's ridiculous flaws and tarnished the whole experience for me. Still, by then I'm sure the movie helped to fuck up my current irrational expectations of what is a great love affair. Michelle Pfeiffer glows, Rutger Hauer is brave and chivalrous, and Matthew Broderick is just what a 12-year old girl needs to swoon over, a 'cute as a speckeld pup' man who is witty, charming, and well, a thief. Not to mention, when haven't I liked a movie with a big of magic in it?

(Treat Scene: When Navarre and Isabeau have a near-meeting a sunrise).


17. Stripes
Russell Ziskey: You could join a monastery.

John Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?

Russell Ziskey: Never.

John Winger: So much for the monastery.

Razzle Dazzle! How fun is this movie, and could a movie be anymore completely a showcase for one person (Bill Murray) than this? I think sadly he would be pigeon-holed for the rest of his career into repeating this kind of humor in every role, but it's just 'cause we can't get enough. It's the same character in Groundhog Day, but as enjoyable as that movie was, my god, could you watch that again and again? Not me.

(Treat scene: The rescue from Czechoslovakia)


18. The Sound of Music

Sister Margaretto: After all, the wool from the black sheep is just as warm.

Another movie of my childhood that I watched on TV at least once a year. I can sing every song, and have always been eager to go to one of those Sound of Music Sing-Along productions, similar to Rocky Horror, where you get dressed up and go and sing along with the movie, but alas, none around anymore! As a girl, I wanted to be beautiful Liesl with her scumbag betrayer Nazi boyfriend. Thank god we grow up. And of course, Julie Andrews is a goddess.

(Treat Scene: "These are a Few of My Favorite Things").


19. Star Wars and Grease
Obi-Wan: That's no moon.

I'm putting these two together because they're kind of the same for me - they were two of the first movies I ever saw as a child, and which remained deeply loved ever since. My aunt (just three years older than I) had the 8-track of the Star Wars movie -- just pure dialogue -- don't ask me, I don't know -- and she would recite Princess Leia's indignant prisoner of war speech constantly. And of course, the Christmas I recieved the Grease album was a VERY big deal. I used to stare at the pictures, and sing every song, with the exception of, "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" which I found boring and confusing then, but genius today. And didn't ever little girl pretend she was the slutty version of Sandy (what was the message THAT movie was sending?!) and stub out our cigarette with our red hooker shoes?

(Treat Scene: When Slutty Sandy makes her appearance. / Obi-Wan and Darth Vader's showdown).


20. La Vita é Bella (Life is Beautiful)
Guido: Buon giorno, Principessa!

Probably the only Holocaust movie I could watch over and over. Like Stripes, this movie is solely a vehicle for Roberto Beningi, the Sun that all other cast mates orbit around (though his son Giosué is pure sweetness itself). Even in the most dark and dire of situations, life is beautiful. If you are not touched by this beautiful movie, you don't have a soul.

(Treat Scene: When Guido explains the "Rules of the Game" to everyone in the concentration camp barracks).

Cruel Cruel Missoula - Part II

As previously mentioned, I'm having a helluva time with the job market in Missoula. So, I was pretty thrilled when I got a temp job at a non-profit writers' association. Writers! I love writers! I wanna BE a writer, right?

Most of the time I worked with "Steph" who I liked immediately. She was very friendly and left me to myself most of the day to work on the project I was assigned, which was very interesting since it involved the writers and photographers who belonged to the organization. Like many here in Missoula, Steph was all about the outdoors -- skiing every weekend,hiking the backcountry whenever possible. My god the people here make me feel like a Weeble Wobble. (Weeble Wobbles wobble but they don't fall down!).

As time went on, and I did my best to do a good job, I was told that they had a position that was open. It was only four hours a day, but it had the "potential" to go full-time. It sounded great. Finally, a job! A good job! An interesting job! HOORAY!

Now, it wasn't a perfect job by any means. Just by being half-time, it meant I'd have to get a second job somewhere else. Also, the organization was going through a time of chaos (gee, have I heard this tune before?) due to some internal conflicts. And finally, the entire organizational staff consisted of Steph, another nice woman as the editor, and the boss, Kyle. Up until this point, I had had little contact with Kyle, but he seemed nice enough. Yeah, nice....

Kyle put me through an hour-long interview regarding the job. He told me that he was interviewing another person as well, but that since I already knew the organization, I was the front-runner. Then Kyle began to reveal the aspect of his character which would torture me for the next two weeks....

In one breath, Kyle discussed the many issues and conflicts the organization was facing, first and foremost being a lack of funding which had shrunk the staff from five to three. Due to this, he thought the job may go full-time, but you know, he couldn't guarantee it. I would be expected to take over Steph's job, a job that all admitted was much too much work for her to do in an eight-hour shift (although it was revealed that she almost never stayed less than ten hours at a time), during my own, four-hour shift. I would have to work hard, real hard. And due to the fact that I was still tied to my temp agency, I would continue to make my single-digit wage for the next few months.

It wasn't the most promising job offer I'd ever received.

But it didn't stop there, despite Kyle offering me up a big steaming plate of MAYBE. In the next breath, he began to tell me that despite all this, what he wanted from me was an agreed, sealed, guaranteed, promised, signed-in-blood VOW that I would never ever ever ever quit.

I was stunned. He wanted a 100% guarantee, but he could offer me none in return? I liked the place, and was happy for the offer, but WHO can give such a promise?

But the truth is that Missoula has demoralized me, and on more than one occassion, I've thought, "Why do I hold on to this 'dream' of having a job I love, a job I can look forward to every morning, a job that excites me? We're in some real financial trouble, why can't I just be like every other normal person and just get a fucking job and stop being a princess about it?"

Yet, in the end, I refused to sign over my first-born child. Deep down I knew that his offer wasn't fair, and if by some Act of God I was finally offered a coveted job at the University of Montana, I didn't want to jeopardize that. I believe in loyalty and I believe in my own word, and I just couldn't tell him a flat out lie. I told him the truth, I would be happy to get the job, I had no intention of leaving, and I would work hard. But I would not guarantee I'd never leave. I also told him that I would go ahead and get another job as well, since I couldn't survive on his half-day wages. He was startled and panicked, and told me, "But, you can't do that, 'cause there will be days I'll need you for 2/3 time, maybe even some busy times here and there where I'll need you for the full eight hours!" Um, okay.

So, technically, I was not really offered the job. Never officially. The following week, while still temping there, Kyle gave me another one of his clear-as-mud messages. He stood there and began to tell me he was no longer interviewing anyone else, I was the one (hooray!), and I swear to god, in the next breath, he said, "But we'll keep going with this temp thing and just see how it goes."

Huh?

It gets better.

A few days after that, as Steph was earnestly training me to replace her (her last day rapidly approaching), Kyle talked to me again, asked if I was still interested in continuing "with this," and for about the fifth time, I told him, yes, of course I was. He told me again how this job would continue until around June (but now he added "or July") when it should go full-time. And then to my utter astonishment he said, "Oh, and you know, maybe at that time we'll just open the job up to the public."

All I could reply with was stunned silence.

He continued, "Oh, but you know, you'll have been working here that whole time, so you'll already know the job, so you'll probably be the one who gets it, of course."

The coward that I was faked a smile and nodded and went, "Mmm hmm," when what I wanted to say was, "WHAT THE HELL, YOU PRICK!?" At that moment, the loyalty I had felt toward this job, and the desire to stick it out at the crappy wage and low hours, evaporated. But it wouldn't be the first time I felt kicked in the gut. The temp agency woman I worked with kept contacting me and Kyle trying to figure out what the hell was going on. What could I tell her? I didn't understand myself. And everytime she emailed Kyle, he would bring me in and say, "Well, you know, you should deal with this, you should be the one to talk to her, because, you know, you work for her and all" and he'd proceed to tell me what exactly I should say, adding the occassional, "But don't tell her I told you that!" Hmm.

Just a day or two after that, Kyle closed his door and had a very long conversation. This immediately got my antenna up since that is almost never done. Like I mentioned, it's a tiny office with just a few people in it, and so silent that every cough, whisper, and particularly, every phone call, is heard, word-for-word. And I have heard more than one DOOZY of a phone call go on there, and there had never been any privacy before. I had sat there as a temp hearing it all. So now that Kyle had the door closed, I was suspicious. Paranoid, yes, but also suspicious. For some reason I just felt that he was talking to another applicant, and I am no clairvoyant by any means.

It turned out my paranoia was absolutely correct. The next morning I came to work where Steph was already there (she normally arrived at work at 6am each morning to "catch up"). She looked straight into my eyes and told me we needed to talk. And whan ensued was a 45 minute conversation, where Steph told me how much she liked me, and how she couldn't live with herself if she didn't give me the whole truth. As you can guess, most of it centered around Kyle and his mismanagement skills. "I really like you. You're smart, you're nice, you work hard, and you're way over-qualified for this position. I just have to warn you. I know you really need the work right now, and I'm not going to tell you to quit or anything, but use this job. Use it as a stepping stone to the next thing. Get out as soon as you can."

There was a lot more to it, including her confirmation of Kyle's closed-door conversation, much more discussion about Kyle as supervisor, and what Steph had basically suffered through until she got the point where she was now, just getting the fuck out. I had no idea that she had nothing on the horizon, no new job to go to. "How will you survive?" I asked in astonishment.

"I don't know. I haven't even had time to sit and think and figure it out yet," she said sadly. I felt bad for her, bad for myself, but at the same time, felt a wave of elation. Just a few days before I had suddenly gotten two Two TWO calls from the university from two totally different departments who had found my resume in the university's temp pool that I had registered with nearly two months ago. Suddenly, I went from almost no prospects, to two interviews exactly where I wanted to work. But I had felt horribly guilty that I might actually be going ahead and quitting the job I had said I had no intention of leaving. Steph's words set me free.

There is a happy ending to this story, my gentle reader. Here I am, today, where I have had my two interviews at the university, an hour apart. The bad news is that they are both temporary, but there is much more good news. 1) They both pay more than what I'm making at the writers' association now, 2) One of them offered me a job on the SPOT! *cheer*, and 3) as they both said, this was the foot in the door of the university, and getting a job after their respective positions ended would be no problem. "I know a lot of people at this university," one woman smiled and winked at me during the interview. I wanted to kiss her.

So, all that's left for me now is to somehow tell Kyle that he can take this job and shove it. And despite my rage in my previous post on revenge, the truth is, I'm a real wuss. Though I'd love to march up to him tomorrow and tell him he was a colossal prick who strung me along and stabbed me in the back, I'm actually terrified of telling him, and NOT looking forward to that awkward moment where I have to have him sign my temp agency time sheet. *gulp* But really, there is no choice in the matter....

Well, I could always do what you're supposed to do, which is let your temp agency do it for you, but that seems even more cowardly than I feel I really am. We'll see. Either way, I am OUTTA HERE! Hooray!

And in the end, I am stunned by yet another inexplicable experience in Missoula. Like I told Beau, I feel like there's something going on in this city I don't get, something I'm missing, some secret that I haven't learned yet. Beau was stunned since he had been having a similar view. It's not exactly Stepford, but it's not normal. All I can say for now is...

What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On. In. This. City?

I'm stumped. It's confirmed, I live in Bizarro World.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold - Janet you SUCK!

We all pretend we'd never really seek revenge on someone who did us wrong in our lives, but really, REALLY is that true? Sure, everyone has had that one (or more) relationship in their life where'd they'd love to go back and shove their foot right up the ass of a jerk of an ex. But that's not where I'm heading...

The other night I was watching The Dave Chappelle Show (The Lost Episodes) and he did a skit about how after he got all his money, he went around and sought some mutha fuckin bad-ass revenge on everyone in his past who did him wrong (the woman who cheated on him the night he asked her to marry him, the talent agent who thought he was shit, the comedy club owner who banned him, etc.). As typical with his skits, they were almost too hard to watch in their harshness, and damn funny.

I've been thinking about this. And I can think of one person, that no matter how much time passes, I have never seemed to be able to think about her without instantly turning homicidal.

Janet Woodard!

Okay, it may actually be Woodward, I'm not sure.

And I haven't changed her name to protect the innocent because a) she's not innocent, and b) As I have learned from that sage, Judge Mathis, it's only "slander" if it's not true.

Let's go back in time....*waves arms in the Wayne's World way to indicate a time warp*

In 7th grade my very best friend, Mary Catherine Phelan (yes, she was Catholic), and I decided to try out for Pom & Cheer. We were both lifetime jocks, but like many young girls, we wanted to be cheerleaders! Loved by all! Wearer of cute, sexually-explicit outfits! Popular! We practiced hard, though we had no idea what we were doing, and tryouts finally came. I remember the night before in my room, with socks tied around my knees, where I spent HOURS slowly teaching myself how to do the splits on my smooth, concrete floor.

The next day Mary and I tried out, and soon we learned that I had made it and Mary had not. Talk about awkward and sad and exciting all rolled into one for me. It turned out only two other
7th graders had made the Middle School squad, the rest consisting of 8th graders who were veterans from the year before. The other two girls were best friends and thrilled to be together. I was on the "Pom" squad. All my other friends who had made it had tried out for "Cheer" which separated us from them during practices after school. Suddenly, I was alone.

My first practice was a disaster. I was a die-hard tomboy who loved to play in the dirt with boys, and suddenly I was learning how to dance (something I did not possess much of a talent for) with a bunch of girly-girls. Though I could kick a kickball over the heads of the entire 6th grade the year before, now I couldn't seem to get coordinated enough to stick out my right arm, NOT my left arm when doing a certain twirl. It was hell, and I was shy and embarrassed.

The girls who were teaching me grew quickly impatient, and as their irritation grew, their regard for me diminished. By the end of that long first day, I was persona non grata of the Pom squad. I walked home, completely defeated, and completely despised. And who do you think despised me most of all?

You got it, Janet Woodard!

I dreaded after school every day like Prometheus dreading sunset. It was a nightmare, and though I did begin to improve my dancing skills, the mold had been set. The other girls taunted me, called me names, and Janet was always the most vocal of all. To this day I don't know why she took such a dislike to me. But as we know, kids can be cruel.

Some of the worst moments were when we went to away games. As you know, the school bus is its own little social world, where sitting alone is death. Of course, no one sat with me, which was a source of constant embarrassment. What was worse, the boy I had an intense crush on was on the baseball and basketball teams, and so rode the bus with the cheerleaders. For him to see me ostracized by the other girls was humiliating for me.

I remember during the winter I was walking home, and Janet and her friend Nancy (who was one of the only decent people to me on the squad), were walking a few yards behind me. I was wearing a big green winter jacket, brand new, which I took great pride in. Suddenly behind me I heard Janet call out, "Nice green jacket!" in a melodramatic voice. I was horrified. At that age, how people see you is everything.

And that's what made this whole situation so weird. This was the first time in my life I ever experienced this kind of cruelty. I had had an amazing time in grade school. I was popular and had many friends, though at the time I didn't realize it. I had never been a pretty child, and at that age, I thought "popular" was defined as "pretty" which was relegated to a select few girls. But I was a top athlete, I won awards in Art, and I excelled in academics, particularly English where I once won an award for reading the most books in the city (during a reading program). I was well-adjusted and secure. Then 7th grade came, and with it, a new school.

And even during the school day in 7th grade things were fine. I was well-liked by my classmates and was even elected to student council, where several of the cheerleaders also resided. I was happy during the school day, miserable afterward.

And yes, most of it I attribute to Janet, who just never let up. While other girls seemed to tire of the teasing and cruelty, Janet was unrelenting. Some of the girls, particularly one who joined the squad later, started to treat me decently, from which I found some solace. But Janet was on a mission, and she was going to make sure to carry it out to its end.

As you can imagine, once 7th grade ended, I said a big fat "Fuck you!" to cheerleading and went back to playing basketball and volleyball and my life returned to its happy, normal self. Due to the fact that our middle school closed, I went to a new middle school on the north side of town, and Janet went to start high school at the south part of town, so after that year, I never saw her again. But once in awhile I think of her with a great deal of malice.

Well, actually, it would be dishonest to say my life went totally back to normal. Having that microcosm of hate in my life did something to me. From that time onward, I was absolutely paranoid of being seen alone. I took great pains to always have at least one friend with me, and I made sure that if there was even a chance for one of those bitches to be around, that I would be seen smiling and laughing, so they would know that I had friends, I was happy, and they couldn't hurt me. Of course, it was a total lie, but it was important to me at the time. It took years before I could ever be comfortable being alone (eating alone, sitting alone in the library, sitting alone on a bus, etc.). I just felt so vulnerable. The ironic thing that years later when the real me came out, I absolutely loved doing things alone, and hated myself for ever letting those young girls affect me in such a way.

To this day I am surprised that I stuck with it. Why didn't I just quit? If I am to be honest with myself, maybe I liked wearing the outfit to school on game days, with our gigantic yarn pom poms bouncing obnoxiously from our white Keds. Maybe I liked the notoriety of sitting in my outfit in each class, the attention it got me. I don't know.

And the truth is, as painful as it was for me to go through that, and despite the fact that I carry such a grudge against a 14 year old Janet, I was glad for the experience. It made me painfully aware of what it was like to be that one student, you know who he or she was, that one that everyone hated, treated like shit, and basically made his/her life a living fucking hell. Suddenly I knew what they were going through, and had a deep appreciation for having to face that day after day, year after year. I never treated anyone like that again, and I never will.

Big Fish in a Little Pond

I've always been interested in interpreting my dreams, and with my roommate freshman year of undergrad, we even attempted to create those "lucid dreams" where you realize you're dreaming and take over your dream and have a fantastic time. We were only slightly successful (and it's a surprising amount of work). I used to keep a dream interpretation book in my bathroom magazine rack, and every morning when I got up for my daily ablutions, I would quickly scan the index of the book for the key images in my dream -- particularly since all my dreams fade like fairy dust moments after I awake. I've never gotten very good at interpreting my dreams except when they're fairly obvious, in a symbolic kind of way. Just this morning before I woke up, I had just such a dream.

First some background. Recently, I've begun talking about my (and Beau's) mind-fucking difficulties getting a decent job here. There was a lot we were unprepared for -- the unbelievably low wages, the high rental rates, the schizophrenic weather, the "special" rules, regulations or ways of doing things here that we've never experienced anywhere else we've ever lived, and the sometimes overly friendly sometimes overly psychotic people. It feels like Bizarro World all the time. But the worst thing at all has been the job situation. It's been a complete nightmare trying to get decent-paying, good-quality, steady work. I've been either an administrator or teacher for about 12 years now, and to BLOW (screw "toot") my own horn, I'm very good at both. I work hard, I enjoy my work, and I believe in doing a good job. In Missoula, all I've been able to find and get so far, are low-skill, low-pay clerical jobs where I spend my day wondering if driving toothpicks under my fingernails would be more enjoyable. I'll talk more about my current temp job soon, but in the meantime, keeping that in mind, here's my dream:

I've got a gigantic fishing pole, kind of like the 12-foot bamboo one I had as a kid in Arizona with my happy bobber on the end. I've got some worms, which are small, and I break them in half to put them on the line.

Now it's time to fish, and I cast my impressive line into the water. The trouble is, the pond I'm fishing in is quite small. Almost immediately, I get a bite, and the bobber dips once into the water and, being as big as it is, bounces jauntily back up. The fish is gone.

This continues, again and again, though I go to different ponds, all diminutive, and all disappointing. Looking into the water of one, I can see the fish, and immediately I'm crushed -- they're so small, barely more than large minnows. "It hardly seems worth all this effort and the worms," I think to myself.

So, there's poor me, with my big impressive pole (my view of my own working credentials) fishing in these tiny ponds (Missoula's job market) with these teeny fish (Missoula's less-than-stellar jobs and pay), who just barely bite, but nothing comes of anything - I never catch a fish (in the end, I still don't have a full-time job).

*sigh*