A (Public) Love Letter to Beau

To my Banjo,

Congratulations on reaching the official one-year marriage mark with me! One year doesn't seem long in theory, but I haven't had many 'one years' like this one! This past year has been the most fun, tumultuous, challenging, loving, adventurous, and beautiful of my life. And trust me, I've had some doozies!

And don't think I am not aware what it was like for you. To travel abroad for the first time in your life, only to end up in a tiny fishing village of a completely different culture and language takes some real strength. And as usual, everyone adored you. As it should be. I don't pick no losers.

You are far and away the best friend I have ever had, and I have had some wonderful ones (Hi April!). I am closer to you than I have been to anyone, and I still want to be closer yet. I miss you when we are apart, even if it's just during the work day, and still want to be with you all the time. I get an enormous amount of delight in surprising you with gifts, experiencing new things with you, kissing your face, or one of my very favorites - just hearing you burst out laughing. It seems even when we're both completely depressed, we still seem to manage a few laughs every day.

Sometimes I marvel that despite the fact that our lives took such completely different paths, we are the same person down at the core of our souls. Our basic beliefs, what we love and value, what is fun, our sense of adventure and experimentation (don't get cheeky, folks), and how we see the world. I have learned in my old age that finding someone to match all of those things is très difficile. If I needed any more convincing, all I have to do is think of how a lifetime meat & potatoes man become such a complete lover of Thai food when only just introduced to it two years ago. The proof is in the curry. ;)

If we can have this "lovely" (to use one of our favorite Kiwi terms) of a relationship amid such chaos and doubtfulness, I am thrilled at the possibility of what we will have when we are stable, gainfully employed, and can spend more time doing very little. It will be nice for us to just be still, and I know it will happen...soon. Yet, if by some chance, our lives are turned upside-down again, both figuratively and geographically, and we end up back on another Down Under adventure, I'm with you, 100%. You can trust me to pack the Gabaldon books and the flashlight. And of course, some chocolate.

I love you.

J.
07/07/07

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Since in a drunken stupor you once accused me of casting a spell on you, and since there does seem to be some validity to that multi-generational curse that women in my family seem to strike upon their husbands, *cough cough* I thought it appropriate to dedicate the song, Circles Round the Moon to you, my beau, Banjo for our 1st Anniversary. It's not the typical, slow-moving, dance-at-your-wedding ballad, but a slightly bouncy, happy song about the magic of love sung by...Geri Halliwell. (Yeah, I know, but I adore this song). Besides, who doesn't love a song with a little banjo twang in the background? Happy Anniversary, honeybee.

Love, your good witch.

P.S. And I just really have all those candles 'cause they smell good. Really.

I put a spell on my heart for you,
Wishing on a little star for you
Kinda magic in everything we do...

I Want to Go Back to New Zealand

I want to go back to New Zealand. Really, really want to go back.

Sure, I recognize that part of this desire may be due to the fact that Beau and I have been so unsuccessful at getting our lives STARTED here in Missoula. I also recognize that although I loved NZ to bits, that I did not love being unemployed to bits (well, after the first few weeks of "ahhhhh" passed). But I also know that I didn't want to leave, and now that Beau has had some time to reflect on his experiences, he has come to see how valuable our time there was and would like to return too (albeit in a different school with perhaps a different focus and a bit more structure). I find with each passing day I itch more and more to go back. But it's not so easy. To try and organize my thoughts, I've made this list:

PRO's:

a) Beau is at the very highest salary level possible for a NZ teacher (determined after about eight grueling months of assessment by the NZ Qualifications Authority). This is because Beau is experienced, educated, and a fucking incredible teacher. So once hired, he'd be guaranteed that salary and we would be making some moola for once!!

b) New Zealand is the most beautiful place I have ever seen, and without sounding like a god damn pretentious butthead, I've seen lots of places and feel I can make a somewhat good comparison. As I've gotten older, I've found living somewhere beautiful has become a big priority for me. NYC is so much fun and Bangkok was good for the cash flow, but in the end, I want to look outside and -breathe deeply- and feel good. I noticed that just looking at the ocean in NZ made me physically and mentally feel better.

c) The weather in New Zealand is ALWAYS temperate, meaning that in many places, the temperature is ALWAYS between like 50 and 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Now this doesn't mean it doesn't rain a lot in the north or snow a lot in the very far south (it does), but overall, the weather is always nice, and that range is PURRRRFECT to me! I like it always a little cool. I'm not a sun-n-tan person. One look at my transparent skin would tell you that. Furthermore, I've lived in a lot of EXTREME climate places: Arizona, Wisconsin, Montana, Thailand, even Strasbourg, France which rained nearly every damn day. I'd like something a bit more...stable and middle of the road.

d) It's a good place to settle down. There's a VERY high rate of home ownership in NZ and the whole country is like one giant suburb - green, clean, and safe (with a few exceptions in specific areas of the "big cities"). And as dumb as this statement sounds, people are nice. I might have mentioned this little story before, but if not, here it goes again: Back in Madison, a professor friend of mine took a sabbatical in New Zealand for six months. On the way there, he and his wife (and kids) stopped by in Sydney, Australia first for a quick little vacation before settling in NZ. A few days later as they boarded the plane to continue on to NZ, his wife said, "Wow, the Australians are so nice!" They then spent the next six months living on the south island of NZ. When his sabbatical was over and it was time to fly home to the US, they decided to once again stop in Australia for a little jaunt. As they boarded the plane to the US a few days later, his wife said, "God damn the Australians are so fucking rude!" Gives you a clue to the "friendliness" of the Kiwis. (Sorry, Ozzies!)

So, to continue on with "d," if we ever have kids, I think it would be a wonderful place to raise them.

CON's:

a) We're kinda broke right now and the fact that we cashed in one of Beau's retirement policies to go the first time (which seemed like an okay idea at the time since we planned on living in NZ forever), still bothers me a bit. I don't think we could muster up that amount of cash again, and we maxed out our credit cards to get there the first time. We haven't had time to get them back to their original state since then. I've never let a lack of cash prevent me from traveling in the past (obviously), and I'd hate for it to prevent us from returning to NZ now, especially since neither of us is getting any younger and would really like to be able to get our lives and careers GOING. We are both feeling very anxious about that fact, not to mention, that the longer it takes me for me to get a job, the longer til I'll have the option to get pregnant (meaning, I'd like to be at a job for AT LEAST a year before going on maternity leave). At least NZ has a fantastic maternity leave policy.

b) My getting a job might not be so simple. I don't have as easily a marketable skill as Beau. I'm pretty sure now that I could get a job as an ESL teacher, but due to crazy visa problems, I would probably be entering the country on a "you can't work, tag-along wife" visa which are a total bitch to change (I know Jera understands this). New Zealand only has like 4 1/2 million people, so the job market is not enormous. I'm pretty sure the ESL thing would pan out and I've been doing my research the past couple weeks and sending out some feelers, but there are no guarantees.

c) Most likely I'd have to give up Sabina, my cat of 13 years. We brought her along the first time, but that was because we had the six months of required vet visits before us and the $3000 bill it would cost (transport, laboratory tests, vet fees, and quarantine). We probably wouldn't have the time, and certainly not the cash for it (we didn't actually know the first time it would be -quite- that much money, but it was, little by little). This would make me very very sad, but my mother has already agreed to take her, and my mother loves Bina, so that would be...okay. I'd still feel like an asshole.

d) New Zealand is far. Like Planet Mars far. No one would visit, and if, god forbid, something happened to a family member in the next year or two, it would be very difficult for one or both of us to return to the US quickly. I think it would be easier for me to abandon all ties than Beau, but it doesn't mean it would be EASY, period.

So, there you go...I've obviously thought it out a bit. Should we stay or should we go? Your thoughts?

IRS BLAH

I've been on hold waiting to talk to "the next available representative"at the IRS for the past 19 minutes and 46 seconds. I can feel my life ebbing away...

But I can't hang up, since they state clearly in their message that if I hang up, I can kiss any chance of calling back a second time and reaching someone goodbye. *sigh*

But, the fact that they're claiming I owe $805 on $1100 of "unclaimed income" is completely preposterous. That's over 73%! Even Swedes don't pay that much in taxes! If in some Bizarro IRS World of Reason it's true, I don't want to be a US citizen anymore! Damn, that extra data entry money was NOT WORTH IT!

Bureaucracy Will Some Day Kill Me (Or I Will Kill Beau)

I just can't shake that "two steps forward, one step back" feeling when it comes to bills and such, since although I have been dutifully paying some off, new ones, some expected, some a surprise, keep appearing. Beau and I are both terrible money managers, and though I think I've been improving nicely in the past decade, (even my credit score has made an impressive leap upward!), problems still ensue. I thought I was going to weep when I just got a letter from the IRS that I didn't report $1100 from 2005! Huh? I couldn't figure out what the hell it was about, until I called my old job and they informed me it was for "extra" data entry work I had done for them on the side - what I had always assumed was included in that "wages, salaries and tips" line. Wrong, dumbass! I had received my W-2 from from them back in 2006, but never the 1099 form for this "extra money," and therefore, never reported it. As a 1040EZ veteran, something like a 1099 is not familiar territory. Now, the thought of having to go through the bureaucratic nightmare of figuring this out, filling out paperwork, and possibly paying back taxes on that money NOW is just so depressing.

It doesn't help that my husband can be as stubborn as an ornery mule when pushed to do something, particularly something as unpleasant as dealing with bills. Recently, we were hit with an unusually high cellphone bill (it took a magnifying glass, and both of us perusing the 24 pages of ridiculousness for about a half hour to figure out what the fuck was going on with the thing), but the new pain in the ass was when our car insurance was just dramatically jacked up. This did not have to happen if my beloved Beau had *ahem* acted a tad faster, (notice due date for documents in 28-point Arial font on car insurance bill) but his excruciatingly slow, "I'll do it when I do it" attitude - in this instance getting his old insurance company to fax me the proper paperwork for our new one - has resulted in the rate hike. Though Beau was not the original cause, Montana was.

There's this demented law in Montana (surprise), that if you haven't had car insurance for the past three years, then your premiums get hiked up to the sky (almost DOUBLE what we were originally charged). I'm the main person on the policy, and for, well, 2 1/2 of the past three years I was in NYC, where, like, almost no one drives, including myself, hence, no car insurance. But Progressive didn't seem quite satisfied with that explanation, though true. I haven't even OWNED a car since 2000 when I sold it before moving to Thailand. Then I briefly moved in with Beau in Missouri, where he put me on his insurance, then shortly thereafter we were in NZ, where we also had insurance (but we'll be dammed if we can find proof of that now). So, Progressive is demanding proof from him for the past three years. So, after -weeks- of my being annoying-nag-of-the-universe, and his passive resistance, he FINALLY called his old insurance people, who were nasty, and in turn, reluctant to oblige him. When they finally faxed us "proof of insurance," it was utterly useless, showing only the last few months of his coverage (he'd already left the country for most of it) and how he had NOT paid his policy. They actually used marker and several exclamation points to emphasize their indignation at the top of the fax.

This is not entirely correct. What happened is that he put me on his policy, then left for NZ about six weeks before me. Left behind, I went in person to the insurance office, informed them that I would like to cancel the policy when it ran out in September anyway. My not being Beau, they refused. "I'm his wife and on the policy," I said. They couldn't give two shits. "He's out of the country and cannot come in and cancel," I said. They were unsympathetic. Finally, they gave me a single sheet of paper, informed me that when I got to NZ he should sign it, and fax it back.

Well, let's just say that Beau is claiming I never ever gave him this form *splutter cough* and so therefore, it never happened *choke* and he never sent it. *fume* Well folks, before I kill my lovely husband, let me -confidently- claim that not only do I remember handing him the form, but I remember subsequently nagging him repeatedly to "get it faxed ASAP." I have a faint recollection of the insurance office not being TOO concerned about the whole matter though, since the policy would naturally run out in September anyway, and though not "officially" cancelled, it would just...end. I couldn't back this up in court though.

Anyway, he called them again on Friday, informing them that the past three YEARS, not months, was what was needed. They seemed pretty pissed off at this inconvenience and said they "would try" to get something faxed to me but it might take awhile (maybe it's something in the water in Missouri). Well, now it's Monday and the fax machine sits silent. Bastards.

Too bad Beau doesn't have any good life insurance policies....

Random Photo of the Day - Strawberry Pick

Picking Strawberries in Missouri, Spring 2006

Yahoo Photos is Dying, Damn It

So, I don't know if anyone else uses Yahoo Photos. I do, or did, a lot. It seems they're going kaput in September. WHY!?!?! I have really loved Yahoo photos. It's a great place to store and organize photos, show them to friends and family, and make prints. I've done all three in the past few years. I'm really bummed out they're ending their service. Anyway, they say you have to choose one of the five following photo services by September or risk losing all your photos forever (bastards). I don't know much about ANY of them, but certainly don't want to lose my pics. Anyone have advice on what to choose or NOT choose? Thanks.

Crazy Carla

There should be no gasp of surprise from anyone who has ever read this blog that whatever my current job is, there's bound to be some crazy people about. The strange thing this time, is that someone who was somewhat normal, has had a sudden attack of the bizarros. The antics serve me well in my frequent bouts of boredom.

I've mentioned the "accountant" in the office before. She's technically not an accountant, but close enough. When I first started, she made me rather crazy, because every simple question, like, "Where do I put this folder?" was met with a 5-minute, mind-numbing, condescending speech. After a couple of weeks, just when I was ready to claw my eyes out, she let up, and though she had her occasional quirks of annoyingness and displays of painfully awkward social skills, overall she was a nice woman and harmless.

So, "Carla," has just recently ...um...changed. Normally, Carla sits in a room by herself, where, as she often reminds anyone who doesn't care to know, she "processes 5000 forms a year." (It's gotten to the point that every time I hear her say that now, I have to quickly think of scenes of torture to keep from snickering). She occasionally peeks out, but for the most part keeps to herself. She's not very chatty, and my repeated attempts to joke with her have fallen flat. Real flat.

As I also have previously mentioned, we have two big chiefs here in the office, a man and a woman, as different from each other as chalk and cheese. Carla has some sort of attachment to the male one, El Jefe. He's a tough nut to crack - sometimes jovial and full of trivia (I'm a big trivia fan myself and can rarely stump him), and sometimes unnecessarily ruthless and cruel. It all started a couple weeks ago when an announcement was made through email regarding El Jefe. Carla started emerging from her office. She was cranky and mean. The first instance, Carla came out to my desk, stared straight at me, and held up a form I had just given her.

Carla: *intense glare* Why did you stamp this HERE?
Me: Wha? Oh, it was a mistake.
Carla: But I don't understand, *incoherent mutterings* why did you stamp it HERE?
Me: *pause in confusion* Look. *looking her straight in the eye* It. Was. A. Mistake.
Carla: *mutters incoherently and waddles off*

Explanation: Basically, the "5000 forms" she processes a year go through me first. There are hundreds of other forms that also go through me, but are then directed to other people in the office. I date-stamp each and every one with my happy little stamp, and pass them on. It's really just for our own reference IN CASE we need to know later when a form came in. Some people have specifically requested I do not stamp directly on the form, but date-stamp a tiny little post-it instead. Sure, no problem. But Carla wants ALL her forms directly stamped upon. On that day, I just happened to accidentally stamp a sticky note instead. Well, that's when I got the visit and the look of death.

Since then, Carla's behavior has intensified. She started coming out to my office (which is in a separate room) and saying, "Where's El Jefe?" "Where's La Jefa?" When are they coming back? Did they leave for the day?" It's not something she needs to know, but not being that big of a deal, I'd look at their calendars and tell her. "No, he's just at a meeting. He should be back at 10." She also started asking about the other employees in the office. "Where did she go? Is she at a meeting? Did she go to get coffee? We're the only ones here!" This has gotten to the point where she's asking me 6-7 times a day on her bosses' whereabouts.

Typically, several times a day, El Jefe will have his door closed. Sometimes he's got someone in there, sometimes he wants his privacy. She has started coming up to another employee who's desk is in front of his door. "Who's in there with him?" Carla demands. The employee will shrug. She then comes out to my office. "Who's in there with him?" If I know, I'll tell her. If I don't, she retreats to her office. But the other employee has told me that every 10 minutes, particularly every time she hears a sound, her head will poke out from around the corner looking to see if anyone is emerging from El Jefe's office. This has recently increased to a near-constant level, and is frankly looking like some sort of mental problem, but what, I have no idea. Obsessive-compulsive disorder?

The third thing, is that Carla has started to leave the office for brief periods of time. Typically, this is no big deal, and I don't usually care what people do with their own lives, but it's gotten to the point where it's every 10-30 minutes she's out the door. I have no idea where she goes or what she does. As an experiment, I ticked on a post-it each time she left. In one day, she left 13 times! (This is not counting leaving for lunch, or whatever).

Other people in the office have noticed and have gone from annoyance to rage since Carla's non-stop inquiries are disruptive. What makes it kind of funny, is that Devout Christian Office Manager Woman is just seething and fantasizing about catapulting Carla's carcass to a faraway land. Office Woman keeps coming out to my office, her face frozen in an intense angry expression, where she'll just explode over Carla's non-stop inquiries. Ah yes, everything's a soap opera around here. Steve may think I attract it, I think I just step into it like dog doo.

As for Carla's manic behavior, I've been told this has happened in the past, usually during high-stress times. I really don't know what to make of it. I just stay calm and answer her questions, but it's getting to the point where I want to say, "WHAT THE FUCK, CRAZY CARLA?" But again, with my status as "expendable temp," I'm just trying to keep my mouth shut. For now, I'll just enjoy Crazy Carla's antics, and hope it's nothing serious.