Groundhog Day - Vomit

I'm beginning to think I'm living my own version of Groundhog Day. Just a lot less funny.

Last Friday I had an interview. For my own job. You know, the job I've been doing since March. And the crazy part is, I don't have high hopes of getting it, nor do I have a strong desire to. And yet, if I don't get it, we're fucked. Totally.

It's the Office Manager Woman (OMW) whom I've been having this bizarre personality conflict with that makes me think I'm in trouble. Her abrupt 180 turn in behavior has made me both confused and sad, though the other employees who have been here for a couple years aren't even fazed. They say that she does that with everyone. Since OMW's declaration that she needed to be "professional" and that her previous chumminess with me was "inappropriate," working with her has become uncomfortable. This is so disappointing, since I really adored her before, and now she's so hyper-critical, so disapproving, that it's making me both paranoid and pissed off. I guess it all comes down to how much clout she has compared to my other boss - the one I adore working with who gives me all the interesting projects to do.

And then, of course, there's the Big Cheese. He's a great guy, but in reality, we have very little contact since every single day he has an insane back-to-back schedule of meetings. In addition, OMW has declared herself his personal assistant and demanded that all contact for him must go through her. She ripped me a new one a couple weeks back because I told a professor he could come introduce himself to the Big Cheese at the end of the day. She took me behind closed doors to berate me for what seemed like a year of my life, telling me that making "appointments" for the Big Cheese was something I was told NEVER to do and that she "didn't want to be rude" but she didn't know how she could make it more clear. I guess I didn't see a handshake as an appointment, but none the less, I guess I know my place now now!

First, I interviewed with OMW and my Cool Boss. That went fine, though it was awkward since I've already been working here for awhile which kinda skewed the questions (they have to ask identical questions of everyone). After that, I had a one-on-one with the Big Cheese, and found myself pleasantly surprised at just how well it went and how much I enjoyed myself. I totally get now why he is so adored and why people gush over him. I've never had one-on-one time with him before, and he is a fantastic communicator. He has this way of showing empathy and acting as if what you say has real interest and meaning to him. He furrows his brow and nods sagely, which makes you feel as if you said something intriguing. In addition, he can finish your sentences, which is a rather startling, and intimate trait. When he asked me what my dream job on campus would be, and I said, "To be the head of International Programs," his eyebrows shot up and he said, "Oh really!?" in such a way that I couldn't tell if he was impressed or flabbergasted at my ambition.

I believe today was the last interview (they interviewed about four or five others). What will happen in the end, I have no idea. I've had numerous people in different departments stop by or call up and say, "Did you get it?" and I have to just shrug and smile and say, "I don't know yet!" That's usually when I'm met with a scowl and a conspiratorial whisper of, "That's how this office always is - all this ridiculous mystery." Anyway, like I said, I guess it depends on how much the other two will defer to OMW. I know the Big Cheese feels thankful for her, as most powerful leaders due to their hard-working, all-controlling assistants, so we'll see. It's strange to need a job you totally don't want, and how demoralizing that can be. Yes, I continue to apply to other jobs (mostly in Missouri) when applicable ones come up, and I'm steeling myself for the possibility that I may be unemployed right around Christmas - demoralizing indeed. Oh well.

Wish me luck. I think.