For those more seriously into The Sabbath (or Shabbat, as it is called in Hebrew) is one of the best known and least understood of all Jewish observances. People who do not observe Shabbat think of it as a day filled with stifling restrictions, or as a day of prayer like the Christian Sabbath. But to those who observe Shabbat, it is a precious gift from G-d, a day of great joy eagerly awaited throughout the week, a time when we can set aside all of our weekday concerns and devote ourselves to higher pursuits. In Jewish literature, poetry and music, Shabbat is described as a bride or queen, as in the popular Shabbat hymn Lecha Dodi Likrat Kallah (come, my beloved, to meet the [Sabbath] bride). It is said "more than Israel has kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept Israel." (from Judaism 101)
But basically, it’s a dinner, a typical religious ritual with candle lighting, chanting/singing, prayer, a little folklore, and of course, bread and wine! How I came to this dinner at a co-worker’s home, is a bit screwed up. As follows…
About a month before the dinner, a man here at work, quite a bit older, and rather…gruff by reputation…came over to my desk, leaned over, and asked if I would like to come to a Shabbat dinner at his home with him and his wife. He was also inviting some international “scholars” from a local organization who are here for a short time. Since the invitees included a Thai woman (and they all know here I was in Thailand for three years), he thought the connection might be fun for the both of us. Also, I was delighted to hear a man from the Philippines would also be there, as I have spent time (and a lot of study) on the country. The older man (let’s call him Joseph), was happy to hear that I also had a Philippines connection, said he’d send me an email with more information on time and place, and trudged off. I got the email and mentally noted the day and time (the day Harry Potter 3 came out).
As the weeks rolled by, Joseph never mentioned the dinner again, but I didn’t think too much of it. A day before the dinner, I started to think maybe he should have followed up at least once, said something. He wasn’t a warm and fuzzy guy, but… So, finally, on that Friday, as I passed him in the hallway, I stopped and said, “So, about your Shabbat dinner tonight…” hoping to prompt him into recognition/conversation. His eyebrows furrowed and he stared intently into my face (he’s a pretty intimidating guy). I backed up a step and tried to continue, “With the Thai woman…and the Filipino man….that’s tonight?” His eyebrows furrowed more still, and he said, “Yes…with the visiting scholars….” My mouth just hung open. He didn’t exactly say, “And not you!” but there was a feeling like he didn’t know what the hell I was getting at.
Back at my desk, I felt perplexed. I finally informed my co-workers of the situation. Reading my mind, they suggested I wander over to his office and ask if I could bring something. I felt intimidated, but knew it was the best plan. After a wait, I stood in his doorway, he in his chair, and asked. He turned slowly and looked at me. There was a pause. A loooooooooong pause. A very uncomfortable pause as he looked at me with such intensity, I began to feel extremely uncomfortable. Finally, not being able to take it any longer, I blurted out, “WHAT?” He leaned forward, holding onto the doorknob and leaning forward ‘til his forehead rested against the door, as if in deep sorrow. “WHAT?” I said again. In….a…..very……slow…..manner, he began to tell me that he totally forgot about me, doesn’t think he ever told his wife (who is preparing the meal) that I’m coming, doesn’t think there’s enough spaces at the table, etc.).
Needless, to say, I was horrified and a little humiliated. I think the whole drama of the situation made it a lot worse. If it was like “Oh my gosh, oops, let me call my wife, I might have overbooked the dinner…” it still would have been awkward, but less so. Anyway, he calls his wife, and from my desk, I can HEAR him saying into the phone, “Oh, and she asked me what to bring, and I totally forgot…” just furthering my humiliation. Apparently though, after hanging up with his wife, who told him he was an idiot and that she did know all along I was coming, he came over and told me I could bring flowers.
Hrmph.
I have to admit, I was really looking forward to going to this dinner. I like to try out new things, especially if they are of a country/culture I’m not entirely familiar with. I have gained some knowledge of Jewish culture in the past (due to a long-term relationship with a Jewish man), but I had never been to a Shabbat meal.
Yet, after this incident, I found my exuberance dramatically deflated. And since I also had tickets for Harry Potter that night (opening night), and was going to be cutting it close anyway, I kind of wished the whole dinner could just go away. Naturally, it didn’t, I went home and showered, and then showed up.
The dinner itself was lovely. The house, though smaller, reminded me of all the professors’ homes I saw in my past life, with their walls of books and “exotic” artifacts on walls and shelves. I got to meet some very interesting people who were doing good, grassroots work on HIV/AIDS in Brooklyn/Bronx, Thailand, and the Philippines as well as this fantastic woman who headed an Adolescent health program in New York.
Joseph’s wife was a very nice lady who explained each step of the dinner as it went along, including covering her head, covering her eyes (with her hands), covering the bread (so it won’t be jealous of the wine we drunk), the explanation of the wine and bread prayers, the translation (from Hebrew) of the song they sang, etc. as well as an interesting tale of angels outside the window peeking in….
As the story goes…(paraphrasing) a “good angel” and a “bad angel” will come to the window at sunset, during the Shabbat dinner. If the family is together and harmonious and having their special dinner, the good angel will turn to the bad angel and say, “May Shabbat always be like this” and the bad angel is then forced to say, “Amen” (and so in a sense, letting it be so). On the other hand, if the family is NOT having their dinner, fighting, not around, etc., then the bad angel will say, “May Shabbat always be like this,” and the good angel will grudgingly have to reply, “Amen.”
I like that story.
After an enjoyable meal and a very long, but very interesting discussion on the work they were all doing, I found myself stealing furtive glances at my watch. Opening night in the giant Astor Theater meant standing in line about an hour early. Lucky for me, I had a friend to stand in line for me, but I also didn’t want to be late for the movie itself! The dinner continued, and continued to be interesting, though I felt myself growing fidgety. And, there was one problem – I had come in a floor-length floral dress and heels. I really didn’t want to sit for three hours in a theater with that thing on. I had brought jeans and a shirt in my bag, but didn’t know how inappropriate it may be to change in their bathroom so I could “go out” that night. Finally, after about 2 ½ hours at the dinner, and still no one looking like they were going to leave, I got up and whispered in the hostess’ ear that I was sorry but I had plans for later in the evening and would have to go, could I use her bathroom, etc. “You’re leaving already?” she exclaimed. *gulp* She was gracious enough though and I scampered to the bathroom, which, I am NOT joking, was the size of an airplane bathroom, and performed acrobatics as I got undressed/dressed. I think everyone was a bit surprised when I came out like that. I apologized again and left.
After that it got pretty simple, I was hurrying down the street while talking to my friend on the phone, and then I got to the subway, so the phone cut out. He said they would be letting him in soon (along with my ticket), so I was a bit nervous. After an endless train ride, I made it to Times Square where I was literally sprinting down the street while trying to talk on the phone. I got there and it all worked out (though it took me quite awhile to cool down and I wasn’t so cute when I got there).
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – Quickie Review, sort of (spoiler alert)
The movie was great, a nice twist in the way it was made, darker and more real. And of course, Lupin being my favorite Harry Potter character, I was anxious and excited to see him. David Thewlis was fantastic as the tragic character, great casting (as is the entire movie, save maybe for the guy who plays Peter Peddigrew). Now that the books are longer and we already are invested in other great characters (like Snape), it’s hard to not get everything you want in it. My only complaint of the third film is that it didn’t explain enough. The whole deal with Harry’s father and three friends (Peddigrew, Lupin, Black) is probably the most important part of the third book and yet was mysteriously omitted from the film. You learn that Lupin is a werewolf, but you don’t hear the whole background between the “Animagus” of the other three characters nor of why Harry is conjuring up a stag to protect himself, or, a little less importantly, the origin of the sneaky map. But I really like the style of the new director (Cuaron) and am excited for the next movie. Maybe I’ll see this one again.
Tortured Lupin
