On Being Alone

You know, it really bothers me a lot that people cannot accept that one enjoys being alone and/or single. I tell people that it’s not that I don’t get lonely, (once in awhile I do), and it’s not that I’m an antisocial hermit (for god’s sake, I go out with friends a few times a month at least), but it’s this choosing to be alone that just bothers people so much. WHY?!?! That bothers me! I was reading a book once that said that the reason people get so annoyed with those who read on a bus, restaurant, etc. is that it shows that they don’t need others. Or something like that. Is enjoyment of solitude such a threat to society? I have my lonely moments! But not as often as people hope I do. Almost wish I do. I don’t avoid human contact. I’m no Walt Whitman in the woods. Why am I so strange? It’s opinions like that which make me want to be alone.

My new obsession with reading, or I should say, my re-connection with my old obsession, makes my solitude even more enjoyable. And I’m flying through books and loving it. A very long, hot, boring bus ride can be helped by a good book in your bag (I almost never go anywhere without one). And I love how I am once again learning learning learning from simple novels. It’s funny in a way, I almost TOTALLY suspended reading for enjoyment in college, and though I was being educated, I was losing knowledge as well. It just seemed like such a waste of valuable time.

What I love, is that if a novel is really good, really well-written, (and I try to be completely choosy on what I read), then you can learn real things, that you’d think you could only learn in something of non-fiction. For instance, I just read a successful book called, “In the Heart of the Sea” which is a novel about a true event (the attack of the ship Essex by a sperm whale and the horrible aftermath – it was Melville’s inspiration for Moby Dick). What a chilling book! But so interesting to learn about early American whaling industry, places like Nantucket and that whole culture (including the wives left behind for years at a time), and of course, the story of a boatful of men floating on the seat for 90 days. Every time I get really thirsty I think about this book. We all like to think of ourselves in extreme situations and think we’d be great! We’d persevere. But really, though I do see myself that way, I’m just a bit wussy girl. I can’t even live without my air conditioner in Bangkok. The one in the living room broke about a week ago and I thought I was going to kill myself.

Anyway, to get on with my point – Fuck all those people who scoff at the enjoyment of solitude. Enjoying solitude does not equate ‘psychopath in shack in the woods’ or ‘wild mountain milita man’ or ‘strange woman with 55 cats and a smelly house.’ I like going out with my friends – though I am VERY choosy nowadays who I go out with, and I sure enjoy men and all their delights, but I also enjoy being by myself – exploring Bangkok, taking all the time I want in a bookstore, getting IN and OUT of a mall without “window shopping” (*GAG*), seeing the movie *I* want to see, eating where I want to eat, and saying “fuck this heat” and schlepping myself back home as soon as possible. I LOVE doing those things. I love doing them with others, but I love doing it alone.

And screw all those people who think being alone also equates either a pathetic and lonely woman (who needs help), or a closet lesbian. Last time I checked, lesbians didn’t fit one of the three archetypes I named above. As I mentioned, I do enjoy having good men in my life, and have, for the MOST part, been lucky in that respect. The playing field is painfully reduced in Bangkok, but it’s still there. Send me an intelligent, cute, adventurous man with a sense of humor (there are a lot here who don’t seem to know how to laugh), and please make him speak fluent English. That’ll do for me.

Anyway, if my fortress of solitude attitude doesn’t meet society’s requirements for a normal person, then frankly, me and my 55 cats, could give a rat’s ass..