I’m back: February’s over! WherethehelldoIgonow? Beer Time. Critique not Books

I know I haven’t written in awhile (déjà vu?), and I’m a little bit inspired simply because today’s date is 3-3-3. I think that’s pretty cool. Anyway, you must understand the month of February in Bangkok. It’s pure evil. Well, if you’re a teacher who works on the Thailand, rather than the international, school, schedule. February has two demons buried in its belly: 1) final exams, for which a Thai 2nd grader shoulders as much pressure as an American first year med school student. And 2) the final end-of-the-year, you-must-be-successful-or-just-go-kill-yourself, the-English-better-sound-clear-and-fluent Performance Extravaganza! *throws confetti* The foreign teachers are totally focused on their upcoming, drawn-out vacation, the Thai teachers are going out of their damn minds trying to get the kids to dance well and review Math all at the same time. The parents are competing with each other over their child’s rank (yes, they are ranked from 1-loser), and the kids, well, they’re just confused.

Yeah, it was a fun month.

Now, I’m free! *dance dance dance* Yeah, scoff at my cutsie astericks, but that’s how I feel! It was a tough month, a tough year, filled with all the laughter and tears of a Lifetime Channel movie. The funny thing is, now that I’m free, I don’t know what the hell to do with myself. I’m sort of stuck in one of those situations where you desperately need to save money, and at the same time you’re like an agitated horse in the gate, waiting for Kentucky Derby to start. I’m in Thailand! There’s dozens of interesting, gorgeous places to go! And I’m surrounded by fantastic places, both near and far. How can I just waste time and my LIFE by not exploring everything like a rapid bloodhound? Or maybe I should use this money to go back to New Zealand and try to find a job there (it’s where I’d really really really like to live next, probably won’t happen though).

Besides spending money, the only other drawback is my solitary status. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I quite enjoy living alone and doing things by myself. Sometimes, I actually turn down invitations to go out, or to a party because I’d rather just stay home and do what I want to do. I hate the thought of being “stuck” somewhere for hours and hours with people who may or may not be interesting. And as you know, when you go out, “beer time” does not equate real, Greenwich time. For instance, when you’re out at a bar, and someone says, “I wanna go home soon,” and you’re already thinking the same thing, your heart soars! You’re probably drunk and tired (and a little bored), or you’re sober and REALLY bored. But of course “soon” in beer time is at LEAST one hour, sometimes two. You just have to sit back. Or the other infamous words, “Just let me finish my drink first.” *wince* I know what this means, the 45 minute, nursed beer.

I’m not trying to say I don’t enjoy going out, I really do! In fact, just recently I went out with some friends and had the most fantastic time. It was one of the few times I found tequila really fun as well. (Unfortunately, not all my friends found tequila to be such a chummy companion by the end of the night). But I guess I hate not being in control of what I can do. I have this good friend who lives way out in the boonies and is hosting a party at his house. 1) The distance = a total loss in power for me. I can’t just leave so easily or “disappear” as friends do at times when you go out and they’re either drunk and wandering or drunk and about to shag someone. 2) There is the very distinct possibility that many people I feel rather awkward around will be there as well. What do I do? Strand myself out in the middle of a rice field with people who make me give that fake, corners-turned-down smile? Or am I a bitch of a friend and make some obvious excuse? Ahhh the boring choices of an obsessive girl.

Well, the great thing about vacation though, is now I can read even more!!! Man, I really love reading. And though I imposed a total moratorium on buying ANY books for the next 8 months, I’ve already broken it and bought THREE yesterday. A book on Phuket. A Milan Kundera novel (love him!). And another by Matthew Kneale who is my new “favorite author RIGHT now!!!!” author. I’d love to write my own critiques about books, but I am not confident that I could possibly add anything worthwhile to the monumental amount of nauseating criticism already out there. Nor do I feel like I have the intellectual lingo to do it right. This is not a statement of insecurity, just of fact. I will be happy to discuss the fantastic, “English Passengers” by Matthew Kneale if anyone likes, or the fantastically tedious “The Map that Changed the World” (why the fuck is this an international bestseller??) with anyone who’d like to. It’s just that if I add something to the world of writing, I want it to be original, in the sense that it’s me, and not another one of them.