Angie: With No Loving In Our Souls...

"Cause every woman's got another woman at her job that SHE. CAN'T. STAND."
-- Chris Rock

I don't know if it's true, but it's true for me, at least at Shop-n-Smile. And since I have nothing good to say about my life atm, why not vent about a co-worker whose face you'd like to flush down the toilet?

Let's call her, "Angie."

I first met Angie shortly after I started. I remember I was near the make-up, and looking down at something, when I heard a voice say to me, "Hi, I'm Angie! I'm the head of Health & Beauty."

At this I looked up, smiling, and hopefully, the dramatic gasp that echoed through my head didn't erupt from my mouth. I swear to god, for a split second, it was like I was looking into the face of "Sloth" from the movie, Goonies. That quick, initial glance displayed a large, round white face, paler than my own, with massive amounts of flaring, red acne, a smile full of over-crossing and turned-in teeth, and a sprout of harshly-dyed, white-blonde hair that looked like the top of a carrot. She looked to be a little bit older than I.

Maybe I wouldn't have been so struck by surprise if she had said she was the head of Hardware or something. I think it was because I looked up right at the point where she said, "Beauty" that got me.

Now, before I go any further, I know I'm being mean. And I know that sucks. And I know when you really dislike someone, being mean gets real easy, and sadly, sometimes even a little fun. I rarely poke fun at someone physically, since I've had my own insecurities (and problems with acne!). It was just such a shocking moment, it kind of burned itself into my brain and then getting to know Angie better didn't improve her looks for me. So, just a warning.

I think one of the reasons I really began to get aggravated with Angie was because she represents a certain type of person that I really can't stand. It's that person with the sing-songy, high-pitched voice who is constantly calling everyone "sweety" or "honey" and giving these over-the-top phrases, like, "Well, you bet! I would be oh so happy to show you where the light bulbs are, honey." I can take that kind of personality, in all its sticky sweetness, if I believe the person to be truly sincere -- there are Midwesterners and Southerners like that. But Angie is one of those who are all molasses one minute, and if you say the wrong word or do the wrong thing, fast as the crack of the whip, her mood and demeanor changes. Her face will cloud over, her words will get very slow and deliberate, and the tension in the room thickens to goop. And you stand there as if jolted by a stun gun, kind of wondering what the hell happened and what the hell you do now.

One of the first instances of this, was when we were doing "the walk." This is during the last hour of the night when, after we all finish our respective areas (straightening, putting things away, etc.), the manager will gather us all and walk us through the store, where as a group, we make final touches here and there. It's somewhat social and laid back, since most people there do a pretty decent job.

That night, we were walking by large cannisters of various kinds of nuts. Angie suddenly halted mid-step, stared at the peanuts open-mouthed, and exclaimed in a near-shout, "THOSE don't go THERE!" Apparently, the stocking team had put a bunch of peanuts in the spot reserved for cashews (the bastards!). Angie then leapt into a frenzy, where she started yanking the cannisters off the shelves and literally throwing them into the cart the manager was pushing. The manager, Joe, a good guy, but fairly laid back, just kind of stared. And the previously-mentioned apathetic teenager, Katie was also with us. Katie and Joe stared at each other, and when Angie's attack ended, he said, "Ummmmmm okay" and began to push the cart again.

This must have embarrassed and pissed off Angie, for immediately, she straightened her arms and clasped her hands tightly in front of her at pelvis-level, and with thinly-pressed lips, began a straight-legged, almost marching step, as she walked along with us. I just kept quiet the whole time. It was like watching a show.

At the end of the walk, when Joe offered to send a couple of us home early, Katie offered to give it to Angie. "Me? Why me? Oh no, don't worry about me!" Angie said in this melodramatic, condescending voice. "Why not, it's pretty obvious you're uber-pissed off right now," responded Katie. Angie gasped and said, "Me?? I'm not mad. Why do you think I'm mad? I'm not mad at all!" Katie, being who she was, shrugged and left. I pretty much did the same.

In following shifts, I noticed that Angie would page me (and others) over the loudspeaker. When I would call her, she'd announce to me that she was going on lunch, or break, or something. "Um, okay," I'd say. Then, several times during my shift, while folding towels or straightening some furniture, Angie would come slowly strolling by. "Are you okay, honey? Do you need any help? Can I do anything for you?" she'd coo.

"No, really, I'm good," I always say. Shop-n-Smile does not get very vigorous business, and I'm happy for the work I do have, otherwise I go absofuckinglutely nuts while working with nothing to do.

Now, Angie is not a manager, of any kind, and in these retail places, they tend to have six levels of managers going on. She's not on any level, except maybe the second circle of Hell. I started to resent her checking up on me. And so did everyone else.

Then, if you remember, I got pulled over by a cop on the way to Shop-n-Smile one night. This made me about 10 minutes late in the door. I always start my weekday shifts at 6pm since I don't get off from the university until 5pm. The new manager had scheduled me from 5-10pm, which was not a big deal, since all the other managers understood my schedule and I was told "Just come in when you always do, of course."

That night, Angie must have been trolling the schedules of employees, including me, because she then made it a point to call the manager (once again, that night it was Joe), to tell him, "J. was supposed to be in at 5. She's late!"

Bitch.

And WHAT is the deal with all this tattle-tail telling going on? Angie is the worst, but she is not the only one. I've mentioned this before, and Beau and I have discussed this, but only at Shop-n-Smile and Wally World have we experienced this constant, crybaby, run-to-the-manager crap, where ADULTS are doing the "Guess what she did!?" game in regards to their fellow employees. It's juvenile, and just fucking ridiculous.

Anyway, Joe did call me. "I was worried about you," he said, "I know we can always trust you to come in and be on time. And it was pouring, so I got nervous."

I'm sure it was not all concern on Angie's part.

Things like this keep happening. The stock people are all pissed off because she keeps trying to give them little assignments to do. Even the really (genuinely) sweet woman I often work nights with, Laura, will just go OFF at the mention of Angie's name, and began a tirade of hate. Every night that I work with her, I get home and exclaim to Beau, "Guess what happened with Angie THIS time!" At least she's good for a good story.

Yet, this angry buzz keeps growing, and nearly every shift someone mentions her in frustration. And as I see Angie trying desperately to make her way to manager, I'm alarmed. Seriously, she's enough to make me quit (not that it would take a LOT). Last night, I turned to Deb, another great manager, and asked, "Can't you guys DO something about her? It's getting out of hand." Then Deb told me that Angie's trying to get a managerial position in Great Falls, MT, at another Shop-n-Smile. I'm torn between LOVING the idea of her leaving and feeling like some sort of warning should be sent to the other store. Well, I'm sure the managers here will have something to say.

In the meantime, I look toward my shifts with her with a great deal of apprehension. I have no problem keeping my mouth shut for awhile, but there always comes a point with me when confrontation occurs. She must sense this, because she has backed up off me dramatically of late.

But if I hear, "Oh hunnnnneeeeee" one more time....