School's Out For Summer! NOOooooo!

Beau and I are in (another) state of employment horror. For him, with high school ending today, the more interesting of his 3 jobs (substitute teaching and bus driving) will come to an abrupt end (as well as its paychecks). This leaves him with Wally World, a job that he finds agonizing at the best of times. The possibility of now having to increase his hours there gives him with the willies. Poor guy. :(

For me, my temp job, which (for Montana..and like, the country of Laos) has decent pay, has been a bit of a catch-22 in itself. I like the people I work with and for, and when I'm actually GIVEN work, it can be fun. Sadly, most of the time I'm rather idle (notice frequent blog postings) and begging for things to do. It's amazing how many personal projects and habits you can drum up on the web or in MS Word. I even created a spreadsheet of the 18 tomato plants in my garden to track their growth/productivity. I know, fucking insane.

But even those psycho projects don't always get you through an 8-hour workday. I was overjoyed when one of the big bosses returned from an extended vacation, because she's the only one who gives me the juicy stuff.

Anyway, when they originally poached me from another department, they made it sound like this job was going permanent shortly, and as long as I played my cards right, I was in there. I made it very clear in the interview that I had been doing this admin stuff a long time, and I wasn't looking for another entry-level clerical bit. I wanted something with substance! I knew it was a bit of a gamble, different than the usual "I'll do anything you want, just give me the job!" that usually goes on in interviews, but it was important to me.

That was about 3 1/2 months ago. Now, my temp assignment has been pushed forward until the beginning of August, which is good and bad. I still have a job until August, good, but do I have one AFTER that? Bad. There is a "valid" reason for extending the temp job instead of going permanent now, but that doesn't make it any easier to wait. Plus, it will have to be open up to everyone at that point. I'm fine with that, though going through the whole cover letter/interview process again makes me feel tired.

In addition, the big cheese who likes me a lot and gives me the "good" work, basically has made it clear that I should definitely be doing a higher level job (it's all about levels here), that I am way over-qualified for this one, etc. etc. She even wrote me a wonderful rec letter when she went on vacation, assuming I'd be applying for other jobs while she was gone (I did, just one). That may be true, but when you're faced with a somewhat boring job that pays you real money, and a wonderful job that doesn't exist (see: UNEMPLOYED), the boring job wins every time. But even with her flattery, her continuous comments like, "Well, you'll be gone anyway," make me hella nervous (and a little paranoid). This job pays the rent, period. Shop-n-Smile pays a couple of bills and covers the money I sink back into it when I bring home things for our now-not-so-empty house.

What this means is that by August 1, Beau will be a full-time Wally World employee and I may be full-time at Shop-n-Smile, a possibility that makes me want to burst into uncontrollable sobbing.

I've talked to the Office Manager, the one writing up the job description for my position when it goes perm. She has assured me that the position will be much more complex (see: interesting), and have a heavier workload, ergo, I will probably want it (and probably have no other alternatives). But there's lots of cloak and dagger stuff going on, and boy, do I HATE that.

Ms. Office Manager (MOF) is an interesting woman. She's a bit older, and a very kind, very religious woman. She seems very representative of the majority of long-term administrators here at the university, both physically and personality-wise. I don't think she is malicious in any way, but I think working in an office of constant chaos, intrigue, and instability has made her a bit of a player by necessity. She is in charge of me, the accountant, and the other office guy, but the three of us basically work on our own. Above her are three very powerful big cheeses who tell her (and us) what to do.

I liked MOF immediately. She's easy to talk to and likes to laugh. We've talked and talked, and she's shared a lot of personal stories with me. But lately, I've been getting the heebee jeebees here, particularly in regards to my own position, and it's mostly due to her. And I can't figure out WHAT is going on. (Geez, where has THIS happened before?). There are more examples of the office intrigue that has gone on in the last few weeks, but again, I'm too freaked to detail it. Let's just say there's been lots of closed doors and lots of territorial moves.

Since I first began this position, there has been very little for me to do. I have a list of daily duties, some interesting, some menial (making coffee, cleaning a conference room). And since I am a person who goes nutso if not busy, I have consistently asked MOF for work - via email, to her face, through notes, etc. Every time I ask, I get the same answer, "Oh, I have so much to do, so SO much to do! As soon as I get organized, I'll give you stuff to do." So, I always smile and say, "Sure," and go back to my desk and wait.

Here's the problem: the only thing I have ever gotten from her EVER is photocopying jobs. An exception is that I got to write out a couple of carbon forms by hand (press hard!) and 3-hole punch forms and put them in massive binders. I don't get it. She assures me that I am already in my short time here doing "much more work" than my predecessor (who was abruptly transferred). "What did she do all day?" I ask. "I have no idea," is the answer. Everyone seems really happy with the work I'm doing. So, why MOF keeps me stagnant is beyond comprehension, and testing my sanity. I started asking other people in the office if they need help, and that's when the one big cheese started giving me real good stuff to do, and she loves when I help her since she loves that I write well and can write it in all that academic speak. I just love having something challenging to do that really makes me think. But with MOF's lack of delegation, I just sit here, and try to come up with stuff to do. That only gets me so far until I'm back writing blogs and reading the IMDB.

Even the accountant, a woman who is nice, but also at times excruciatingly annoying ("Why did you stamp it there instead of here?"), came up to me the other morning and just released a spew of frustration in regards to MOF: "I don't get it. Why isn't she teaching you things? Why isn't she giving you more to do? How are you supposed to know if you like this job at all if you're not taught what it is? What's going on?"

Besides being slightly stunned by this outburst, I didn't know what to say or do. Although inside I was cheering and going, "No shit! What the fuck? Go on with your bad accountant self!" I knew I had to be careful. This is an office of one person playing another, so I wasn't going to trash my direct boss with my job still in purgatory mode. And again, I really do like MOF, but I'm growing a bit resentful. I'm trying to hide it, and since my job involves a lot of interaction with various people, I make sure to do lots of smiling and chatting with everyone who comes to our office.

She's picking up on something though, because she approached me and asked me if something was wrong. I had already twice approached her asking her what was going on with my position, was given vague assurances but nothing concrete, so there really wasn't any need to broach that subject again. I feel like I'm purposefully kept at bay and I can only fathom two conclusions: 1) is that she's not interested in having me stick around. Why train someone you're going to let go anyway? Or 2) I'm a threat because I have more experience than her and could do her job (fairly easily).

I have made not a single peep in regards to having any interest in what she does. I have tried to keep my head down this whole time. I really don't know how to prove myself more, and I know I'm doing a good job. The new super big cheese will be starting around the time my temp job ends, and MOF has absolutely TIED herself to his desk chair. I don't blame her - he must seem like salvation to her - a calm, nice man after a period where MOF was treated harshly and with some disrespect. And him coming from another university, it's clear he looks to her for a great deal of guidance about what's going on, so I know if she wants me out, I'm probably out.

Grrrr it's so aggravating! If the past 12 years of my full-time employment hadn't gone so well, with great jobs, great co-workers, and (for the most part), great bosses, I would really start thinking the problem was ME. But I am absolutely sure it's not. Not to mention, I've received a raise and/or promotion at nearly every job I've had, usually within a few months.

I'm not looking for that speedy kind of ascent here, just a decent, full-time, 9-5 job with benefits that I can stick with. I want a job I can enjoy - doesn't have to be Cirque du Soleil - but not something I dread going to either. I want something that will pay our bills, and in many years from now, I will retire happily from. I want a workplace that is at least relatively free from office intrigue and ambiguity and backbiting. I want a challenging job with clear goals and duties that I can attack each day with gusto and enthusiasm! I just want to be an administrator, not a sky-diving instructor! Have I just been really fucking lucky the past decade and now my luck's run out? Cause it feels like everything I touch in Missoula turns to horseshit. I've only had one job with this amount of politics going on, and that was in a foreign country! This is just...MONTANA!

Seriously, am I asking for too much?
---
Postscript:
Today I got off the phone with another UM employee. Depressing conversation. A really nice guy whom I have only heard good things about from other university people. He and his wife are in the same boat as Beau and I. Both have advanced degrees, good experience, but both have not been able to find good work, and when they think they do, get jerked around. This guy will soon, and quite suddenly and unexpectedly, lose his job here at the university, through another one of these messed up, political situations. He's naturally feeling pretty freaked out by it all. Like us, he's not sure what to do. He likes Missoula, but as he said, "it seems like everyone here has a chip on their shoulder." He's ready to sell the house and get out. "I just don't get it," he said.