More Proof I Work With Crazy People

So, we've been shorthanded at Shop-n-Smile for days. This really pisses me off, since we tend to be understaffed (imho) most of the time anyway. The typical "night shift" consists of just THREE people on the entire "hardlines" floor (anything that doesn't involve clothes). So, if someone is on break, or someone has to do a "carry out" (wheeling and loading a piece of furniture out to someone's car, which happens OFTEN), then you can easily be the only person left standing. Add to that the cashiers constantly calling you up to help them out or a few annoying phone calls ("Can you tell me the prices and descriptions of ALL your coffee tables?"), and you can see how things can quickly get hectic. All this, and your MAIN job is to clean up/straighten the entire store at the same time, because the first shift people piss, bitch, moan and cry if they don't enter the store every morning to a gleaming, sparkling paradise.

Two nights ago we had four people missing (including the apparel area), which was crazy. We had two people missing last night as well, and walking with the boss, I said, "Who's missing tonight?" My boss told me it was Sally, a young woman about 22 years old who works at the Customer Service counter. She's about 5 feet to 5 feet 2 inches tall and shaped almost exactly like the apple guy from the Fruit of the Looms commercials. She works pretty hard, though she's one of those people who will just start chatting and chatting with you until the point where you can't take it anymore and you find yourself trying to slowly inch away from them and escape. Once I got ensnared by her when she launched into a story about how she was suing Wal-Mart (true). Though I thought this was another crazy co-worker story, it seemed she actually had somewhat of a case. That was months ago. Well, if she ends up with a multi-million dollar judgment, I'm sure I'll hear about it. Or maybe not, as the case turns out..

I was surprised Sally was missing, since she didn't seem the type to skip out. She works full-time as far as I know, and she's got two little kids to support. When the boss was lamenting her second night of double-duty, she began this conversation:

Boss: Yeah, it's Sally who isn't here again.
J: Oh.
Boss: She wasn't here last night. She called and said she had a bladder infection.
J: Oh, ick.
Boss: Then her mother called today. Her mother told me that Sally won't be in for a week now.
J: A week? Wow, what's wrong?
Boss: It seems that last night she had a baby.
J: *long pause while brain explodes inside skull* Wait, whu?
Boss: Yes, she really did have a baby.
J: Sally. Sally had a baby. Sally.
Boss: Yes.
J: A real baby. Did she know she was pregnant? (note: I actually knew someone once who didn't know she was pregnant until her SIXTH month. True. She said it was due to her chronic colitis condition which often swelled up her stomach anyway, as well as her frequently missed periods. Go figure).
Boss: Yes, and she didn't tell anyone. Not any of the bosses here knew.
J: Um, she's full-time. Isn't there maternity leave and stuff?
Boss: Yes. *shrug* Who knows what she is thinking.
J: Wait...still...she had a BABY?

I just went on spluttering and pausing after that. It was a monkeys-fly-out-of-my-butt moment. Sure, she was round, but there are different kinds of round! Not for a minute did I ever think she was nine months pregnant (and she must have worked right up until the day she went into labor).

Further craziness ensued when talking to apathetic teenager Katie, who is a close friend of Sally's.

Katie: Yeah, and Sally just had a baby.
J: Um yeah, what's up with that? Did you know?
Katie: No, I had no idea! I mean, I hang out with her! She never said anything! Everyone keeps saying, "I just thought she was fat."
J: This is so weird.
Katie: I mean, now that we all think about it, it makes total sense. She used to be this huge drinker, and at some point she just randomly stopped drinking.
J: Ahh.
Katie: And she used to be the sweetest person ever, and then she just turned into this total bitch. So, it all makes sense now.
J: Uh huh.

One alarming point is just last week I was sitting in my car during a break, chatting with Beau, and I THOUGHT I had a funny moment. As we were talking, I would occasionally glance at Katie across the parking lot. She was gathering shopping carts, of which there were a lot. At one point, I looked up and saw her hiding behind a bunch of cars where she began, hands down, the fastest smoking of a cigarette I have ever seen. She was taking rapid fire, fierce drags that sucked her cheeks in sharply. It was comical to watch, since she mirrored a dying man sucking on an oxygen mask for dear life. When I mentioned it to her later, she said, "Oh, Sally was in the parking lot in her car and I asked her if I could have a few drags off her cigarette." Knowing what I know now, yikes!

So, anyway, I don't know if this certifies Sally as crazy, but once again, I have a co-worker with inexplicable, bizarre behavior. The only thing I could think of was that perhaps Sally was planning on giving the baby up for adoption all along, since she's very young and supporting two children on a Shop-n-Smile salary. If so, I don't know why she would tell Shop-n-Smile WHY she would have to be out for a week (I'm sure she could make up a similar 'bladder infection' story). Otherwise, I have no clue as to why there would be a big secret.

Weirdos, I tell you, weirdos!